Does "We" Really Deserve A Second Chance?

This was written way back last March 2017 and was published on Female Network and below is the unedited version. Still kilig feels when I still see this post on their Facebook and website page. 

"Does He Really Deserve A Second Chance?"

More than two years ago, he chose to break my heart. He chose to end our seven-year relationship and begun with someone new. The reason: He fell out of love with me and fell for the other girl. That girl he barely knew for only three freaking months!

I was so devastated of course. He was my life. I gave my all to him. I built my dreams and future plans with him. It was him whom I wanted to grow old with. We already had plans waiting to be done.

But then all of a sudden, he texted me saying, ‘Sorry. Break na tayo. Sana kayanin mo.”

What a jerk! We all know he was, right? Maybe he really knows that I was living my life back then depending on him and I love him so much that I cannot really lose him. Well, totoo naman ‘yon. Dati.

I then became so desperate to win him back. I didn’t let him go at first.  I broke down right in front of him and begging him not to leave me. But I think that’s the nature of guys. Once they’ve finally decided onto something, they will stand for it despite of all the consequences you will lay on the table for them.

Just like every human who has gone through bad break ups, I suffered a super heartache. Hard to breath, timeless crying, no appetite to eat, talking with friends with the same old issue- which was him and our break up, cut my hair, then cry again regardless of the place where I was.

I always blamed myself, that maybe it was really my fault that he fell out of love. Na baka ako talaga yung may mali, na baka naman kapalit-palit talaga akong klase ng babae. Na baka pangit talaga ako at yung ipinalit niya sa akin ay hindi hamak na mas maganda talaga sa akin. Yes, it was self-pity and super down self-esteem at its finest. I felt so worthless that time.

But I really thanked God that it only took me three sleepless nights and eat-less days to finally accept that he’s totally out of my life.

I even told him that he’s a total jerk and I don’t need him in my life anymore– you know the anger stage. I just couldn’t forgive of what he has done to me.

Instead of staying at my worst side, I have decided to be better. I had my bucket list and started to do all the things that I really wanted to do before. Like travelling, mountaineering, volunteering, meeting new people, trying new restos and going to new places which I haven’t gone before.  With the help of good people around me, I really became so happy without him being the reason anymore.

Months had passed, I finally decided to let go of the anger for him and to totally forgive him. We talked and we finally had this thing called closure. We wished each other to be well and we even hoped that the right partners for both of us will come at the right time bringing the lessons that we had on our failed relationship. I became genuinely happy back then. Para akong nabunutan ng tinik.

I can totally say that I am finally free! Free from all the pain, fear, anxieties, anger and any other negative elements that our broken love has brought me. We decided to cut all our connections and that included the unfriending of each other’s families, relatives and closest friends. For me, it was one of the best ways to finally step ahead on this stage called moving on. I also learned to never expect that he will come back again in my life for I strongly believed that, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” And masaya na siya sa piling ng iba so dapat lang na maging masaya na rin sa ako sa piling rin ng iba.

So, believe me. I really never hope that he will be back in my life instead I just prayed that the right man for me will come along at the right time. Everything will fall into its proper place and I shall find true love in God’s perfect will.

I continued to do the things I love outside work. I always get busy doing the things that excite me, could kill my curiosity and most of all, the things that make me happy. Hashtag Happiness became my daily mantra.

I didn’t realize that two years had swiftly passed by.

I tried to date other man but I think this is not yet the right time. I just can’t feel it yet - the spark I felt before and that kind of feeling wherein you can finally say to yourself that ‘He’s the one.’ Maybe it’s not yet time and I chose not to push it harder. Instead, I just focused on creating myself a better version.

I won’t deny the fact that there were times that I missed him – the ex of course, I missed the bonding that we had, our cheesy and happy moments together, it was seven years for Pete’s sake, how can I not remember those good times. I even don’t have an amnesia.

But then those thoughts about him, I could easily brush it off. Everything should always be mind over matter. That was also my mantra. I’m a strong woman! I can do anything and that includes forgetting him and be not affected by him anymore. He was just a jerky ex. Duh?

I even didn’t bother to stalk him or check out if he’s doing fine and I just went on with my life. I just always wished that he’s doing good and hopefully just like me, he would be busy creating a better version of himself. If he’s already constantly happy with someone else, then so be it. I am totally fine. Walang halong echos.

Then one fine night right after my first adventure of the year…

A facebook notification took my attention and made my heart skipped a beat for I didn’t expect it.

He was adding me as a friend! What the f! My peaceful life became an outrageous war all of a sudden.

Why am I still affected? I should be fine by now. I already conditioned myself that if one day, when we’re going to meet again, I can finally act as if nothing hateful happened between us.

We didn’t talk and didn’t see each other for two straight years and then right now, he was adding me?

What the fudge?!

And here’s the plot twist of this story, I accepted his friend request, we talked again, texted each other, catch things up and now he’s trying his best to win me back in his life.

By the time that he lost me, he regretted it for he realized that it will always be me and it is me all along. The one he really wanted to be with for the rest of his life, that no one can replace me and no one can be better than me.

Ganda ko, ‘di ba? Well, lagi namang nasa huli ang pagsisisi.

He admitted that he made a huge mistake before.  He tried to pursue me again before but he was thinking twice because he knew that he hurt me a lot.

So bakit ka bumabalik ngayon? Dahil ba sa palpak yung pinalit mo sa akin?

I asked him that. In all fairness to him, he will always be brutally honest and that’s one of the best things I like about him. He said yes but more than that reason, yun nga, that it is still me whom he truly loves.  Na ako pa rin daw talaga.

As of this writing, it has been three months since we started dating again. And I can always see his genuine efforts in everything that he does for me.  Of course, I’m not blinded anymore. Sabi nga nila na kapag ang tanga natuto na, humanda ka!  I know and I feel that his words and deeds are real and in match. Even my friends can attest to that.

I just can’t fully give him my trust again yet. At the back of my mind even though I am happy being with him again now, there’s this thought that someday soon; he will fall out of love, then fall for the other girl, then leave me again. Trust issues? Yes, they are for real.

Does he really deserve a second chance and my YES once again?

Oh by the way, Yes, I still love him. But then we all know that ‘maybe sometimes love just ain’t enough’.


And here's the link to the edited one! Click here.

Thank you female network!