Finding Emhara (Day 11/30 of #NaNoWriMo Challenge 2023)

#𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗯𝘆8𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 #𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼8𝗟 #𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲8𝗟

#FindingEmhara

Chapter 11 – Unsent Letter # 11

 

PAGKABASA pa lang ni Aleia kung ano’ng klaseng ‘unsent letter’ ang susunod niyang basahin ay kinabahan na siya. Inihahanda na niya ang sarili niya.

It’s a break up letter for God’s sake!

‘Chill, Aleia!’ She reminded herself and had a self-composure. ‘Sulat lang ‘to. Huwag ka masyadong maaapektuhan.’

“Okay, ready!” Aniya at sinumulan na ngang basahin ang sulat.

 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

 

 (A break up Letter)

Date: March 15, 2005

 

For my now-ex,

 

SEVEN YEARS.

It’s been seven years.

Our so called forever has now ended.

No third party involved (as I believe).

It was just us, growing up and falling apart.

My heart is scattered into pieces right now.

But I believe and I hope that in God’s perfect timing, this fragile, stupid organ of mine will find its way back to be whole again.

 

Akala ko papunta na tayo sa next phase ng relasyon natin.

Pero totoo nga ang sabi ni Cha that expecting can really hurt us like hell.

I had a lot of expectations from you and from our relationship.

Sigurado na ako sa’yo eh. We already had some plans about our future together.

Ang dami na nating plano. Ang dami nating promises sa isa’t isa. Our world revolves in each other.

Ikaw at ako ay iisa.

You were my best friend, my confidante, my human diary and my go-to person. I was even closer to you rather than my own family.  

Pero baka nga hindi talaga tayo ang itinadhana.

Maybe there are reasons why tonight has happened that I don’t know yet.

 

I thought that tonight was just our typical date night but you made it a remarkable one.

Pag-out natin sa work, we went to our favorite park. We ate our favorite street food. Okay tayo eh.

Then out of the blue, our conversation became serious.

You suggested that we should go on parted ways for the meantime.

Sabi mo pa, kung tayo talaga in the future, magiging tayo talaga. But not yet now. At kailangan muna nating mag-focus sa mga career natin – nang magkahiwalay.

 

Syempre ay hindi ako pumayag sa una.

Gago ka ba?

Seven years ng buhay ko, buhay natin nang magkasama tapos sa isang iglap, ganon na lang ‘yon?

Wala na?

But you insisted at sabi mo pa ay wala naman akong choice because ‘it takes two to tango’ to make this relationship work.

And that’s exactly my fucking point!

You and me! We need to be together to fix whatever is wrong with us or with our relationship.

I begged (even though this hurt my ego). I negotiated.

But you firmly said, “No.”

 

I felt so much anger.

I walked out. I left you.

Pinipigilan ko ang umiyak in a public place.

Naglakad-lakad ako sa kawalan. Nag-iisip. But I just couldn’t think straight. Everything was a blur.

And so, I just decided to go home.

Hindi pa rin ako umiiyak ngayon.

Sinusubukan ko pa’ng i-absorb ang lahat ng nangyari ngayong gabi.

 

Alam ko namang marami-rami tayong naging away at tampuhan lately but I believed it was just a part of our relationship.

I never thought that you would offer break up as a solution for those petty fights we used to have.

Masyado lang siguro akong naging kampante sa’yo.

I’m now starting to question myself.

Ano ba’ng mali ang nagawa ko?

Saan ako nagkulang?

Masyado na ba’ng masama ang ugali ko at hindi mo na ako masikmura?

Pangit na ba ako sa paningin mo?

May iba ka na ba’ng nakita o nakilala which is better than me?

I still believe that there’s no third party involved in here.

 

But whatever your core reasons are, okay fine.

Go.

 

Ilang beses na akong naiwan sa ere. Hindi pa ba ako nasanay?

Besides, I can move on from this.

Mabilis lang ‘to. I promise!

Ngayon pa lang, I am already declaring that I will be finally moved on from you.

There are so many fishes in the ocean.

Pero bago ako humanap ng bagong isda, sarili ko na lang muna ang uunahin ko.

I think it’s time for me to really focus on myself.

 

So, yes. Tinatanggap ko na ang suggestion mo.

Let’s fucking break up.

 

Sana maging masaya ka.

Dahil ako, kakayanin ko’ng maging masaya kahit wala ka na sa buhay ko.

 

Oo, marami akong tanong ngayon sa isip ko pero wala na akong pakialam.

 

I have a life ahead of me that I should focus on now.

Goodbye, Ex.

I wish to never ever see you again.

Isa ka lang masamang hangin na dumaan sa buhay ko.

 

It’s me,

Emhara.