Finding Emhara (Day 14/30 of #NaNoWriMo Challenge 2023)

 

#𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗯𝘆8𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀

#𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼8𝗟

#𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲8𝗟

#FindingEmhara

Finding Emhara: Unsent Letters For My Love

Chapter 14 – Unsent Letter #14

 

(A letter for my friends- who were once strangers)

Date: February 15, 2007

 

Dearest Team Unli-Surfers,

Six months ago, we were strangers to each other.

It was also six months ago when I took the leap of faith and went on a solo travel.

And there I met you guys.

I’ve got a lot of luck to found a safe group of people who became a part of my adventure life.

Then later on, I called you friends.

Thanks guys!

I was once lost when I found you.

Naglakas-loob lang talaga ako na mag-travel mag-isa.

Naging masaya naman ako ginawa kong ‘pagtakas’ saglit sa lahat ng problema ko at nakilala ko nga kayo.

At ipinagpapasalamat ko rin sa Diyos na nakauwi naman ako ng ligtas matapos ang trip natin sa Baler.

Iba-iba tayo ng pinagmulan at estado sa buhay pero parang naging iisa ang mga puso natin nang araw na iyon. I’m so lucky meeting you guys!

Chariz was also a solo traveler, Pino went with his wife - Jen and his best friend - Sarah, then Jona has meet John along the way.

Noong una medyo kinakabahan ako na bumiyahe mag-isa pero nilakasan ko lang talaga ang loob ko as I really wanted to fulfill one of my bucket lists and that was to travel solo.

It was really scary but I’m so glad that I made that bold choice.

I even learned to surf! And there I met you guys!

Sabay-sabay din nating nilibot ang kagandahan ng Baler.

Pumunta ako’ng Baler nang mag-isa pero umuwi akong marami nang kaibigan.

From that moment, my circle grew bigger and I’m happy to meet new people from different walks of life.

Dito ko talaga na-realize that everyone is unique.

Iba-iba pala tayo ng kinalakihan.

I first thought that the life I grew up on was the same with others.

I even thought that the life I have is the ‘normal’ one. Hindi pala ganon ang buhay. Masyado pa lang malawak ang mundo.

The last seven years that I was in a relationship, I thought my world will only revolve around that.

Mag-papakasal, magpapamilya, magpapalaki ng mga anak, tatanda, tapos tapos na.

Hindi pala.

Marami pa pala tayong pwedeng maranasan sa buhay sa labas ng isang relasyon.

Now, I’m grateful to be at lost.

Because while I got busy finding myself, I’ve found strangers that became my friends and I’ve found out that there’s more to life than being in a romantic relationship.  

Napakalawak pala talaga ng mundo, noh?

Ang dami ko pa palang pwedeng gawin at magagawa pa.

I just have to brave enough to face my fears.

Kasi marami pala akong malalaman at matututuhan.

I’ve learned to value life more.

We only live once as they may say.

So, cherish every moment and make it worth living.

 

To my dear friends that was once strangers to my life. You are the living instruments sent by God that the world is indeed colorful.

Maraming akong natutuhan mula sa inyo.

And those are the best things to learn in life outside school.

Every time we go out to dine and drink or to go surfing, we talk about ideas and corny jokes. Feeling ko ay mas nag-mamature ako kapag kasama ko kayo. Gumagaan ang mundo, mas sumasaya.

Totoo nga ang sabi nila, sometimes, you can find a family outside home and you’ll find it in friends.

 

Sana marami pa tayong pagsamahan. I won’t mind growing old having you as my friends.

I look up to all your plans in life. Feeling ko tuloy, nagkaroon bigla ng direksyon ang buhay ko as being inspired from your stories.

I even take your advices seriously.

Bilang bunso sa barkadahan natin, I am super duper happy to be looked after you. You always care about me. And you genuinely care!

Thank you for having the sincerest care you always show. You always make me feel special and loved. Pakiramdam ko tuloy, nagkaroon ako ng mga ate at kuya sa mga katauhan ninyo.

And promise ko sa inyo, lagi lang din ako nandito para sa inyo. That whenever you need me, I’m just one call away.

Thank you so much guys! Sobrang mahal na mahal ko na kayo.

I am writing this letter so you I would know and always remember how lucky I am to have found a set of friends, one fine day on the sunny waves of Baler.

I love you all!

Muwah!

Tara, surf na tayo ulit!

 

Love,

Your bunso,

Emhara

Finding Emhara (Day 13/30 of #NaNoWriMo Challenge 2023)

 

#𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗯𝘆8𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀

#𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼8𝗟

#𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲8𝗟

#FindingEmhara

Finding Emhara: Unsent Letters For My Love

Chapter 13 – Unsent Letter #13

 

(A Letter for my Best Buds)

Date: December 18, 2005

 

Dearest Joan, Deli, Liza and Matt.

I love you, four!

Thank you so much for being the bestest friends in the world.

I am super lucky to have you all as my closest core.

My life has been better and my darkest days have been lighter because of having you around.

You are my pillars.

Salamat sa lahat ng payo at sa pag-aaksaya ng oras para makinig sa lahat ng rants ko sa buhay.

Ang dami kong drama pero hindi kayo nagsasawa.

I was once was lost but you are always there to bring me back to my path.

 

You know my deepest darkest secrets and thank you for trusting me with yours.

 

I also wanna say sorry for the times that I am being a hard-headed friend.

Minsan hindi niyo ako masaway at kahit anong pangaral niyo sa akin ay hindi ako nakikinig.

Through my worst times, you are still there for me.

I was once the black sheep of our barkada but you never walked out of my life.

I am super grateful to the Lord for having you around.

 

And today is a special day.

Ikakasal na ang isa sa atin!

How time really flies so fast.

And I’m so happy and proud for Deliza. She finally found her forever.

 

To my Dearest Deliza,

I may be broken right now but I am genuinely happy for you.

Lagi ko namang nasasabi sa’yo na buti ka pa, natagpuan mo na si Mr. Right sa katauhan ni Gerry.

At lagi mo ring sinasabi na darating din sa tamang panahon ang nakatadhana naman para sa akin.

Nawa’y magdilang-anghel ka, Del at sana ay ako na ang susunod na ikasal sa’yo.

I will try my best to catch the bouquet later!

 

Thank you for being my human diary just when I needed one the most.

Sorry din kung lagi kitang naiiyakan.

Sadyang hindi ko lang talaga kakayanin kung wala akong masasabihan ng nararamdaman ko.

 

Now on your wedding day, I wish you all the best and luck!

As promised, I will remain as one of your bestest friends.

Palagi lang din ako nandito para sa’yo, sa inyo ng mga barkada natin.

Berks forever!

Whenever you need me, I will always have the time for you.

Excited na rin ako sa mga magiging inaanak ko sa inyo ni Gerry. Galingan ninyo ha. Damihan ninyo!

See you later mga bestfriends ko!

 

Love lots,

Emharabells.

Finding Emhara (Day 12/30 of #NaNoWriMo Challenge 2023)

#𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗯𝘆8𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 #𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼8𝗟 #𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲8𝗟

#FindingEmhara

Finding Emhara: Unsent Letters For My Love

Chapter #12 – Unsent Letter #12

Date: March 15, 2006

 

(A Letter to My Lost Self)

 

Dearest Emhara,

 

It’s been a year since your heart was broken again.

And yet here you are, at the age of 26, still feeling at lost.

For the past year that you were moving on, you’ve been to different places.

You indulged yourself with travelling, trying to find of what was lost in your life.

 

Freedom.

This is what you’re trying to prove.

Malaya ka na nga ba?

Malaya mula sa nakaraan ng kahapon, sa mga sakit na naranasan mo noon, sa mga kabiguan, sa mga pagmamahal na ibinuhos mo para sa mga maling tao.

Masaya ka na ba?

I don’t think so.

Because if yes, you will not feel lost at certain times like this.

Oo nga at masaya ka sa bawat bagong lugar na mga napupuntahan mo pero bakit parang may kulang pa rin?

There’s a hole inside you that still cannot be filled in. Because it’s an empty hole – buttonless, full of shit, darkness and nothingness.

Ano ba’ng balak mo sa buhay mo?

Bakit paminsan-minsan ay dinadalaw ka pa rin ng matinding kalungkutan?

Masaya ka kapag kasama mo ang mga taong malalapit sa’yo pero kapag nag-iisa ka ay parang ang dilim-dilim ng paligid mo.

Pero masaya ka nga ba talaga?

Bakit pakiramdam mo ay walang direksyon ang buhay mo?

Nagsasawa ka na bang mabuhay?

 

It’s been a year.

Mahal mo pa ba siya?

Siguro oo. Pero tanggap mo nang hindi na kayo magkakabalikan pa.

Baka masaya na siya sa piling ng iba.

Kaya ikaw, piliin mo na rin ang maging masaya talaga kahit mag-isa ka lang sa buhay.

Hindi mo kailangan ng lalaki sa buhay mo.

Kaya mo. Kakayanin mo.

Kung kaloob ng Diyos na mamuhay ka nang mag-isa ay ayos lang.

Ang mahalaga ay matupad mo ang mga pangarap mo.

Mag-focus ka please sa mga bagay na meron ka.

You still have a bucket list to check all the things you’ve put in there.

You have a great career that you should focus on.

You still have a lot of new places to go to.

Hayaan mo na siya.

Huwag mo na siyang isipin.

 

Siguro nga, deep inside, you are still hoping that someone out there is truly meant for you. Nagbabakasakali ka na darating din ang tunay na ‘The One’ sa  buhay mo.

Baka na-traffic lang siya sa Edsa.

Pero balang-araw ay darating din siya upang makasama mo hanggang sa pagtanda mo.

For the meantime while still waiting for him, maging masaya ka muna nang mag-isa.

Work on yourself.

Improve your weaknesses, fill in where you’re lacking.

Kaya mo ‘yan.

Huwag ka nang malungkot.

Tama na ang kaka-feeling lost.

Deserve mo rin ang maging masaya.

So go out there and celebrate your first year of freedom.

You have friends who’s always there for you.

Puntahan mo na sila.

Kailangan mo sila as much as kailangan ka rin nila.

You will always be a good friend to your friends and that’s one thing I am so proud of you.

 

Love yourself more,

Emhara.

Finding Emhara (Day 11/30 of #NaNoWriMo Challenge 2023)

#𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗯𝘆8𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 #𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼8𝗟 #𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲8𝗟

#FindingEmhara

Chapter 11 – Unsent Letter # 11

 

PAGKABASA pa lang ni Aleia kung ano’ng klaseng ‘unsent letter’ ang susunod niyang basahin ay kinabahan na siya. Inihahanda na niya ang sarili niya.

It’s a break up letter for God’s sake!

‘Chill, Aleia!’ She reminded herself and had a self-composure. ‘Sulat lang ‘to. Huwag ka masyadong maaapektuhan.’

“Okay, ready!” Aniya at sinumulan na ngang basahin ang sulat.

 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

 

 (A break up Letter)

Date: March 15, 2005

 

For my now-ex,

 

SEVEN YEARS.

It’s been seven years.

Our so called forever has now ended.

No third party involved (as I believe).

It was just us, growing up and falling apart.

My heart is scattered into pieces right now.

But I believe and I hope that in God’s perfect timing, this fragile, stupid organ of mine will find its way back to be whole again.

 

Akala ko papunta na tayo sa next phase ng relasyon natin.

Pero totoo nga ang sabi ni Cha that expecting can really hurt us like hell.

I had a lot of expectations from you and from our relationship.

Sigurado na ako sa’yo eh. We already had some plans about our future together.

Ang dami na nating plano. Ang dami nating promises sa isa’t isa. Our world revolves in each other.

Ikaw at ako ay iisa.

You were my best friend, my confidante, my human diary and my go-to person. I was even closer to you rather than my own family.  

Pero baka nga hindi talaga tayo ang itinadhana.

Maybe there are reasons why tonight has happened that I don’t know yet.

 

I thought that tonight was just our typical date night but you made it a remarkable one.

Pag-out natin sa work, we went to our favorite park. We ate our favorite street food. Okay tayo eh.

Then out of the blue, our conversation became serious.

You suggested that we should go on parted ways for the meantime.

Sabi mo pa, kung tayo talaga in the future, magiging tayo talaga. But not yet now. At kailangan muna nating mag-focus sa mga career natin – nang magkahiwalay.

 

Syempre ay hindi ako pumayag sa una.

Gago ka ba?

Seven years ng buhay ko, buhay natin nang magkasama tapos sa isang iglap, ganon na lang ‘yon?

Wala na?

But you insisted at sabi mo pa ay wala naman akong choice because ‘it takes two to tango’ to make this relationship work.

And that’s exactly my fucking point!

You and me! We need to be together to fix whatever is wrong with us or with our relationship.

I begged (even though this hurt my ego). I negotiated.

But you firmly said, “No.”

 

I felt so much anger.

I walked out. I left you.

Pinipigilan ko ang umiyak in a public place.

Naglakad-lakad ako sa kawalan. Nag-iisip. But I just couldn’t think straight. Everything was a blur.

And so, I just decided to go home.

Hindi pa rin ako umiiyak ngayon.

Sinusubukan ko pa’ng i-absorb ang lahat ng nangyari ngayong gabi.

 

Alam ko namang marami-rami tayong naging away at tampuhan lately but I believed it was just a part of our relationship.

I never thought that you would offer break up as a solution for those petty fights we used to have.

Masyado lang siguro akong naging kampante sa’yo.

I’m now starting to question myself.

Ano ba’ng mali ang nagawa ko?

Saan ako nagkulang?

Masyado na ba’ng masama ang ugali ko at hindi mo na ako masikmura?

Pangit na ba ako sa paningin mo?

May iba ka na ba’ng nakita o nakilala which is better than me?

I still believe that there’s no third party involved in here.

 

But whatever your core reasons are, okay fine.

Go.

 

Ilang beses na akong naiwan sa ere. Hindi pa ba ako nasanay?

Besides, I can move on from this.

Mabilis lang ‘to. I promise!

Ngayon pa lang, I am already declaring that I will be finally moved on from you.

There are so many fishes in the ocean.

Pero bago ako humanap ng bagong isda, sarili ko na lang muna ang uunahin ko.

I think it’s time for me to really focus on myself.

 

So, yes. Tinatanggap ko na ang suggestion mo.

Let’s fucking break up.

 

Sana maging masaya ka.

Dahil ako, kakayanin ko’ng maging masaya kahit wala ka na sa buhay ko.

 

Oo, marami akong tanong ngayon sa isip ko pero wala na akong pakialam.

 

I have a life ahead of me that I should focus on now.

Goodbye, Ex.

I wish to never ever see you again.

Isa ka lang masamang hangin na dumaan sa buhay ko.

 

It’s me,

Emhara.

Finding Emhara (Day 10/30 of #NaNoWriMo Challenge 2023)

 #𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗯𝘆8𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 #𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼8𝗟 #𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲8𝗟

#FindingEmhara

Finding Emhara: Unsent Letters For My Love

Chapter 10 – Unsent Letter # 10  

Date: October 30, 2010

(A Letter for Uncle Luke)

 

Hi, Dearest Uncle Luke.

First of all, thank you.

Maraming, maraming salamat dahil sa napakaraming dahilan.

Una na dito ay ang napakawagas na pagmamahal mo para kay Mama.

 

I can’t say these words of appreciation to you verbally because you know, this is who I am.

Pero alam ko’ng ramdam mo Uncle kung gaano ako kasaya na pumasok ka sa buhay namin. Maraming salamat sa matiyagang paghihintay na matanggap kita ng buo.

Thank you for the unconditional love and care you always show to Mama and also to me.

Our darkest days became brighter when you entered the picture.

Naging sandigan at kakampi ka namin ni Mama sa panahong kailangang kailangan namin ng tulong at pag-alalay.

You were there for us. You patiently waited for us to trust you.

Dalawa kaming niligawan mo at pinasaya.

Salamat, Uncle.

Just seeing my Mama happy makes me the happiest as well.

I love you both so much!

Thank you for being a father figure to me just when I needed one.

You’re a guardian angel sent from Above.

I may be 30 now but all our memories together as a family will forever be cherished and remembered.

Thank you for everything, Uncle Luke.

Thank you for treating me as your own daughter.

I wish you and Mama to be happy for the rest of your life.

Happy, happy birthday, Uncle! We had a blast this day. Sana ay napakasaya ka namin. At ipinagdarasal ko sa Maykapal na magkaroon ka pa ng maraming birthday kasama kami – ang pamilya mo.

We enjoyed your intimate and simple party, here at our home.

Hanggang ngayon, kinikilig pa rin ako kapag naiisip ko na sa inyo ni Mama – I will always have a family and a home.

I may not be that vocal about my true feelings towards you two, but please know that you are the most important human being to me. You and Mama alone made my life complete.

 

Gusto ko rin palang mag-sorry kung nasusungitan kita minsan lalo na nung medyo bata-bata pa ako.

Thank you for understanding a misunderstood me.

 

And best of all, thank you for pushing me upward to reach my dreams.

I was scared but you were there to remind me that everything will be alright.

And you’re right!

I’m here now waking up every day while living the life I once dreamed of.

Salamat sa lahat ng suporta.

You are the best stepfather every lost child would want to have.

Yes, I was lost before but you helped me find my way back.

And I will be forever grateful to you.

We deserve to celebrate your life, Uncle.

Please continue to be a blessing to other people especially to Mama.

You both always deserve to be happy on each other’s arms.

I love you both, love birds!

 

Your daughter,

Emhara.

Finding Emhara (Day 9/30 of #NaNoWriMo Challenge 2023)

#𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗯𝘆8𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 #𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼8𝗟 #𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲8𝗟

#FindingEmhara

 

Finding Emhara: Unsent Letters For My Love

Chapter 9 – Unsent Letter # 9

 (A Millenium Letter for Emhara)

Date: January 1, 2000 

Hello there, Emhara!

Happy Millenium New Year!

So, far as of this time of the night at 7:45 pm ay hindi pa naman gunaw ang mundo.

Thanks God, buhay pa tayong lahat!

Hindi totoo ang mga naglalabasang balita na magugunaw na ang mundo pagtungtong ng year 2000.

May chance ka pa na makatapos ng pag-aaral sa kolehiyo.

Bachelor’s Degree, here it is – the soonest!   

As you committed, you will do your best in school because you promised to yourself that you will have the best revenge.

And that is to have the best life that you could ever have.

Magpapakayaman ka.

Papatunayan mo sa lahat na kayang-kaya mo. You will have the best life ever with your mom.

Sa susunod ay hindi na magpapakahirap sa trabaho ang Mama mo dahil ikaw na ang gagawa niyon.

Masakit makita na napapagod siya kaka-trabaho para lang mabuhay kayong dalawa.

Next time, it will be your turn to bring food on the table and to pay for all your bills.

 

You chose a business course because you believe that you will make a lot of money in the near future.

Pangarap mo ang maging CEO ng isang kumpanya!

At walang imposible sa taong nangangarap basta’t sinasamahan ng pagkilos, pagpupursige, sipag at tiyaga.

We can do this! Kayang-kaya mo ‘to!

 

Thank you also na hindi pa nagugunaw ang mundo ngayon dahil nararanasan mo pa sa ngayon ang magmahal at mahalin.

It’s one of the best feeling ever! Masarap sa pakiramdam na gigising kang masaya dahil alam mo’ng may nagmamahal sa iyo nang wagas. Super thank you talaga kay Lord at biniyayaan ka niya ng isang mabuting boyfriend.

Babes is such a wonderful blessing in your life. Bonus na lang ang pagiging guwapo niya dahil bawing-bawi ka na sa ugali niya na kayang-kaya kang intindihin at palaging pakiligin. (He-he-he!)

He makes your world colorful and full of butterflies.

May mga nagiging tampuhan man at hindi kayo pagkakaunawaan pero naaayos naman. Because you wanted to.

You both want this relationship to last long. And you are so grateful for having him in your life.

Kahit na moody ka, hyper-sensitive, indecisive, minsan isip-bata pa, he never leaves you.

Ramdam mong mahal na mahal ka niya. At ganon ka rin naman sa kanya.

You are lucky to be in a mature relationship. Ang sarap pala sa feeling kapag may nagmamahal sa’yo ng totoo and when there’s someone who truly cares for you.  

Sana nga ay magtagal talaga kayo at sana ay siya na nga talaga ang ‘The One’ for you.

I wish nothing but the best for you, Emhara.

With all the heartbreaks you’ve been through, you truly deserve to be happy.

 

New year, new opportunity to be better, new beginnings, new life, new you.

Alam kong masayang-masaya ka sa pagsalubong ng bagong taon kagabi dahil kasama mo ang Mama mo at pati na rin si Babes.

It was such a simple celebration but your heart was full.

Cheers to a better year coming your way!

To more blessings this year.

Good luck on your studies, alam ko’ng kayang-kaya mo ‘yan.

Dean’s Lister for the win this March!

Good luck on your love life, huwag mo ng pakakawalan pa ‘yan because he’s a great catch!

Good luck on your better relationship with your mother. Bawi ka sa kanya, ha.

And lastly, good luck on your career. A brighter future is waiting for you.

 

Love,

Emhara.

Finding Emhara (Day 8/30 of #NaNoWriMo Challenge 2023)

 #𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗯𝘆8𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 #𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼8𝗟 #𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲8𝗟

Finding Emhara: Unsent Letters For My Love

Chapter 8 – Unsent Letter # 8

NAGTUNGO na nga sila Aleia at Saljie sa attic. Nagbabakasali na makausad sila sa nais nilang mahanap o matuklasan.

Ilang mga karton na naliligo sa alikabok ang binuksan nila habang umaasa na may makikita silang bakas ng pagkakakilanlan ni Emhara o kahit sino naman sa mga taong sinusulatan nito. 

Ngunit bigo sila. 

“Nothing unusual here.” Deklarasyon ni Aleia habang isinasara ang pang-walong karton na naglalaman ng mga laruan niya. “Well, just based on my current memories.”

Naisipan rin niyang ibaba na ang mga karton na naglalaman ng mga laruan. I-do-donate na lamang niya ang mga iyon.

Ipinakita ni Saljie ang isang kahon sa kanya. Naglalaman iyon ng isang babasaging bote ng alak na may mga tuyong bulaklak sa loob. “Do you what this is?” 

Napukaw rin niyon ang atensiyon niya. Itinabi muna niya ang karton na may mga lamang laruan upang makitang mabuti ang hawak ni Saljie. Hindi siya pamilyar sa bagay na iyon. 

Iniabot ni Saljie ang bote sa kanya. 

“This is interesting.” Komento niya. “I have no idea about this.” 

-0-0-0-0-

(A Letter for my Love)

Date: August 2, 1999

Dearest Babes,

Sinusulatan kita ngayon para ma-i-dokumento ko kung gaano ako kasaya sa mga sandaling ito. 

I just can’t contain my feelings right now. 

Pakiramdam ko ay nakalutang ako sa alapaap. I’m in cloud nine! Sobrang saya ng puso ko. 

I finally just said yes to you yesterday.

Pumapayag na akong maging girlfriend mo. 

Tuluyan ko nang kinalimutan ang mapait kong karanasan sa unang pag-ibig. 

And all I hope right now is for us to be together forever.

Sana ay ikaw na ang last love ko. Ayoko ng masaktan ulit. 

Takot na akong masaktan. Pero para sa’yo ay susugal ako. Dahil kung hindi tayo susugal, hindi natin malalaman. 

Parte naman talaga ng pagmamahal ang masaktan. 

At ayoko rin namang pigilan ang sarili ko na maging masaya – tayo na maging masaya. 

Sana ay sabay nating tuparin ang mga pangarap natin. 

Iku-kwento ko lang din sa sulat na ito kung paano naging tayo kahapon para hindi ko ito makalimutan hanggang sa pagtanda natin. 

(to be continued)

Finding Emhara (Day 7/30 of #NaNoWriMo Challenge 2023)

 

#𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗯𝘆8𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 #𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼8𝗟 #𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲8𝗟

Finding Emhara: Unsent Letters For My Love

Chapter 7 – Unsent Letter # 7

 

(A Letter for my First Real Love)

Date: July 18, 1998

 

Hello to you, Richardson Rob.

We may be met at the wrong time but for me, it was the most perfect first love.

I broke my promise to my dad. Sa kagustuhan kong magrebelde at ma-disappoint siya sa akin, I give in to the urge of our barkada.

Ikaw na lang daw ang shotain ko dahil single and available ka naman.

And maybe that was one of the greatest regrets I ever made as well.

I should have given value to our friendship rather than making it as more than friends.

 

It was a fun love at first. We were inseparable.   

I can say and I believe that we were madly in love with each other.

I loved it when I took naps on your shoulder and you were singing a song for me.

Ang bango-bango mo pa.

You were holding my hand as if you would never let it go.

My supposed to be last year in high school has been more colorful because of you.

Pero dahil nga sa kagagahan ko, hindi ako naka-graduate. Hindi ako nasakabay sa inyo na mga kaibigan natin.

But it’s okay as I’ve learned my lessons.

What wasn’t okay is that you forgot your promise – you forgot about me, you forgot our love.

Or should I say, sinadya mong kalimutan?

When my days were a blur, you made it darker.

You would find a reason not to talk to me.

Lagi tayong may pinag-aawayan.

Ang ending, matagal tayong hindi mag-uusap.

Pinoproblema ko na ang pamilya kong wasak na, pati ikaw dumagdag pa.

Pati puso ko winasak mo.

Until one day, we crossed each other’s path on a newly opened mall.

Kasama mo si Erika – one of our friends as in within our closest circle.

Magka-holding hands pa kayo. Ang kakapal ng mga mukha ninyo.

Pero parang ako yung may ginawang kalokohan at ako yung tumakbo palayo sa inyong dalawa.

Tumakbo ako ng CR para umiyak.

I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t speak.

Gusto kong magwala at magpakalasing pero nag-promise na ako nung time na ‘yon na magtitino na ako.

So, what I did?

I went to Mary’s house at sa kanya ako umiyak nang umiyak.

Yes, it was painful. My fragile heart was broken once again.  

But as Mary said, it was a blessing in disguise. God made a way for me to know, to see and mostly to realize that you were not meant for me.

Isa ka lang hangin na dumaan sa buhay ko.

And because of the lessons I’ve learned on our cute little love story, I was grateful.

I am finally letting you go.

Masasabi ko’ng naka-move on na ako sa’yo.

Salamat sa lahat-lahat.

I am finally writing this all down dahil tapos na ako sa’yo.

Ang lahat nang mapapait na emosyon ay isa na lamang ala-ala ngayon.

 

Thanks for the happy memories though!

And I wish you well.

 

It’s me – finally setting you free out of my heart,

Emhara.

 

Finding Emhara (Day 6/30 of #NaNoWriMo Challenge 2023)

 

#𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼𝘄𝗿𝗶𝗺𝗼𝗯𝘆8𝗟𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 #𝗡𝗮𝗻𝗼8𝗟 #𝗡𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲8𝗟

#FindingEmhara

Finding Emhara: Unsent Letters For My Love

Chapter 6 – Unsent Letter # 6

Date: April 16, 1997

Dear Emhara,

It’s me again writing to you.

First of all, I want to greet you a Congratulations!

Sa kabila ng lahat ng pinagdaanan mo last year up to this year ay nagawa mo’ng magtapos ng high school.

Life has been harsh on you.

Life hurt you.

But here you are, still standing and moving on to the next chapter of your life.

Hindi man dumating si Papa sa graduation mo, ang mahalaga ay masayang-masaya kayo ni Mama.

She even treated you to Star City at sobrang na-enjoy ninyo ang araw na ‘yon. You enjoyed some rides with your mom. Saglit ninyong nakalimutan lahat ng pinagdadaanan ninyo sa buhay at para kang bumalik sa pagkabata kung saan wala kang pinoproblema. Those were the days when you are just excited for all your ‘family day’.

Pero ngayon, si Mama na lang ang pamilya mo.

At pati na rin ang mga kaibigan mo. Buti na lang dumami ang tropa mo.

You had a wonderful and colorful high school life! Na-extend pa nga ng isang taon dahil sa mga kagagahan mo.

Ang dami mong naranasan, mixed of happy ones and wild ones but all those things are memorable and above all, you enjoyed your senior high.

Buti na lang matalino ka. (Yabang ko!)

You were able to cope up with your missed lessons.

Puro ka bulakbol. Naging laman ka ng billiard halls at nagpapanggap ka pang 19 para lang makapasok sa mga disco house.

But God is good dahil nakatapos ka pa rin.

You have realized something last Christmas when you saw your mom crying over your pending bills. Ang dami ninyong disconnection notice. It was your second loneliest Christmas together na kayong dalawa lang, but you have learned to get up and moved on.

It’s better to have a good revenge – you reminded yourself. Magtatapos ka ng pag-aaral at magpapakayaman ka.  

You will prove to everyone na kaya niyong mabuhay at tumayo sa sarili ninyong mga paa. You don’t need any support from your – (ayoko na lang magsalita nang hindi maganda. I still have some respect left for him).

Thanks to your school projects na nahabol mo, (you should thank your considerate subject teachers) and exams na naipasa mo naman.

Kung hindi ka naghabol ay baka extended ka na naman sa high school.

Yung mga ka-batch mo noon, college na sila ngayon. But all is well, ang mahalaga ngayon ay makakatungtong ka na rin ng kolehiyo. Hindi ka mag-nu-Nursing. You started to hate that course.

You can take Tourism or Business Management. Bahala na kung saan makapasa.

 

You should also thank Addie.

He has become your guardian angel.

Kahit ang dami mong ginagawang kalokohan, he was still there to remind and to guide you. Madalas man kayong mag-away dahil sa mga bagay-bagay na hindi ninyo napagkakasunduan, nanatili siyang kakampi para sa’yo. Nanatili siyang isang mabuting kaibigan na ang tanging hangad lamang ay mapabuti ka. But you were too blinded to see that before. Binulag ka ng galit sa dibdib mo.

Magsi-second year college na rin pala siya as an Archi student.

Unti-unti ay lumalawak na rin ang pagitan ng mga mundo ninyo. Iba na ang set of friends niya.

Ganun ka rin.

 

Akala mo noon, siya na ang Mr. Right para sa’yo.

Pero hindi pala.

You have realized na mas okay kayo as friends lang talaga. Magkababata, magkalaro, magkapitbahay. But more than that? Wala na. Hanggang doon na lang ang kwento ninyo.

 

Good luck on your college life, Emhara! Bumawi ka!

Pero okay lang naman mag-happy hour pa rin paminsan-minsan to distress. Masarap pa rin kapiling ang alak at yosi sa mga panahong nilalamon ka ng galit, naguguluhan, pagsisisi at kalungkutan.

Maraming tanong pa rin ang hindi nasasagot.

Pero ayos lang. Tuloy lang ang buhay.

Your friends are also still there to be with you when you feel lonely.

Sana tuluyan ka nang maging masaya.

Hindi man ngayon, pero sana malapit na.

You deserve to be happy again, to live as a whole again… even when a big chunk of your life (almost half) was already lost and will never return home.

 

Sarili mo ang sandigan mo, Emhara.

Wala ng iba.

 

(end of unsent letter #5)

 

-0-0-0-0-0-0-

 

“NAG-rebelde pala siya.” Ito ang naging komento ni Saljie matapos nilang basahin ni Aleia ang ika-limang sulat. “Buti na lang at naagapan niya ang studies niya. Pero medyo nalungkot rin ako sa part na hanggang friends na lang sila ni Addie para sa kanya.”

 

‘Oo nga.’ Sa isip-isip ni Aleia ay may punto ang lalaki. Sayang ang love story ni Emhara at Addie. Mukhang nauwi sa friendzone dahil sa mga pinagdaanan ni Emhara. Maybe it was a right love at the wrong time.

But nobody could tell. It could still be a puppy love and not all puppy love lasts for a lifetime.

 Mas masakit pa rin ang sinapit ng first love ni Emhara.

“Hindi natin siya masisisi. Her first love – which was her father, left them without any valid reason,” Depensa ni Aleia dito. “Her perfect life was ruined. Sinira ng sarili niyang ama.” She even felt sad for Emhara. And she’s grateful for having her dad around. She appreciated him more.

 

Tila nag-iisip si Saljie. Hawak-hawak pa nito ang baba, “Pero ang naiisip kong valid reason ng Papa niya ay baka hindi na ito masaya sa kanila.”

 

“Ano ang dahilan bakit hindi na siya masaya?! It’s his own family for God’s sake!” Medyo hysterical na si Aleia sa part na ‘to. Ewan ba niya pero parang laging dinudurog ang puso niya sa tuwing makakatapos siyang magbasa ng isang liham.

Kaya nga hindi niya tinutuloy-tuloy ng isang araw lang ang pagbabasa ng mga iyon dahil baka hindi niya kayanin. Bakit ng aba sobra siyang apektado sa mga sulat? Pakiramdam niya ay kasama siya sa loob ng mundo ni Emhara. Ramdam niya ang mga sakit at pait sa mga isinusulat nito. Para siyang isang sponge na na-aabsorb lahat ng emosyon sa bawat liham na binabasa niya. Masyado na siyang invested emotionally dito sa mga unsent letters ni Emhara.

 

“Kalma lang. Hindi ako kaaway.” Buti pa si Saljie, kalmadong inaawat ang mataas niyang emosyon. “Breathe in, breathe out.”

 

Kumalma nga si Aleia kahit konti. Huminga siya nang malalim at pagkatapos ay kumuha siya ng tissue at suminga. “Sorry na. Na-carried away na naman ako. Ito kasing si Emhara, ang daming drama sa mga sulat niya.”