MGA TOXIC NA TANONG – Breaking the cycle of toxic culture

 

Date Written: January 2024

 

“Bakit yan ang kurso na kinuha mo?”

“Bakit wala ka pang boyfriend/girlfriend?”

“Bakit hindi pa kayo nagpapakasal?”

“Bakit wala pa kayong anak?”

“Bakit hindi pa ninyo sundan yung panganay ninyo?”

“Bakit ang taba mo na?”

“Bakit ang payat mo?”

“Bakit wala ka pa’ng ipon/naipupundar?”

 

These are some of the questions that we are (‘harmlessly’ or ‘no offense meant’) asking to other people and sometimes, we are at the receiving end of these RUDE questions. Marami pa’ng iba.

Kapag tayo ang nagtatanong, we don’t mean to hurt them or to offend them.

Pero kapag tayo ang tinatanong, minsan hindi rin natin alam ang isasagot o madalas (lalo na ako), naiinis ako sa mga taong nagtatanong, ka-close ko man o hindi.

“ANO BA’NG PAKIALAM MO?” yan ang sagot na naghuhumiyaw sa utak ko.

Pero bilang may respeto pa rin, madalas ay nginingitian ko na lang ang mga nagtatanong o di kaya ay iniiba na lang ang usapan.

I get offended whenever I receive those kinds of questions.

Kaya hangga’t maaari, consciously, iniiwasan ko rin ang magtanong o mag-comment tungkol sa mga ganitong bagay.

We all have our own pacing in life. Iba-iba tayo.

Hindi natin kailangang maki-relate palagi.

We should refrain ourselves from asking these sensitive questions.

Para sa atin ay okay lang pero para sa iba, this is a big deal for them.

There’s a lot of people suffering from different circumstances and they’re already fighting a battle within themselves. Huwag na tayong dumagdag pa sa bigat na pinapasan nila.

If they’re the one who ask for advises, we can listen and give but let’s always be mindful and sensitive enough to deal with them.

Pero kapag hindi naman hinihingi ang opinyon mo, just shut up.

We should all learn to be human and to act as one.

In Tagalog, maging maka-tao tayo.

Let’s all break the cycle of being toxic.

Let’s be a little kinder to other people.

After all, a better world starts within ourselves.

‘Yon lang naman.

 

#TrashBin

#DiwaThoughts

#ToWanderAndWonder

“I WON’T ASK ADVICES FROM YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT HIGHER THAN ME”

 

Date Written: January  2024

“Bakit ako mag-pa-pa-mentor sa’yo? Successful ka na ba?” an old friend once told me this.

For context, I asked this friend if we can have a one-on-one goal setting for this year.

Then I jokingly said to this friend, “I-me-mentor kita about goal setting, walang bayad ‘to ha.”

Maybe I shouldn’t say the word “MENTOR” because this meant something different to this friend.

Wala lang, gusto ko lang sana magkaroon ng “Accountability Buddy” so we can stick to our goals for this year and put actions into it.

Gusto ko lang din sana mag-share sa kanya ng mga thoughts and life lessons I’ve learned from several self-help books I’ve read.

Wrong choice of words.

 

According to a post he read, we should seek advises from people who are more successful than us and surround ourselves with people who we wanted to be. We must also go into circles of these people who has the same status or level in life that we dreamed to be in.

Tama naman ‘yon. So, we can learn something important from these people who we look up to.

 

But what about our childhood or old friends who were there for us when we had nothing or when we’re at the lowest part of our life?

Can’t we have sensible topics with them about ideas or future plans?

Should we dispose them because we can no longer use them?

Ano sila, mga gamit na pwede nang i-declutter?

Hindi na ba natin sila kakaibiganin o hind na tayo makikinig sa kanila kasi mas mataas na tayo sa kanila?

Nakaangat lang tayo ng kaunti, ang hanap na natin ay ang mga taong mas angat sa atin para mas umangat pa tayo lalo?

Hindi ba parang crab mentality na rin ‘yon? Ang pinagkaiba nga lang, when you’re already done with people who was once higher than you, you will leave them behind until you’re the one who’s already on top.

Or should I say, “user-friendly”, “advantage-taker”?

Parang hermit crabs.

Hermit-crab mentality is like finding bigger shells because you no longer fit from your previous houses.

But those ‘smaller’ houses gave you comfort, safety and protection at one point of your life.

Yes, you outgrew them and moved on from it.

But you once learned from them.

 

For me, it doesn’t seem right to think low of other people and disregard their intention of helping you by giving you advises to succeed in life even though themselves, they are ‘not there’ yet.

You can still listen to them and don’t be rude. And it’s still up to you if you will take their advises or not.

One way of learning and retaining what you’ve learned is you share it with other people.

Hindi ba pwedeng magpalitan kayo ng ideas and you both learn from it?

You both started from scratch then why don’t you both go on top?

 

Isa pa, iba-iba naman tayo ng definition ng success.

Maybe the other end just wanted to share with you what she/he thinks success is.

After all, success is contentment for others.

We continue to grow, to plan, to learn and to step up as long as we live.

But may we appreciate and be grateful of the things that we already have – like true friends who are always there for us even if they don’t have anything to offer but just their presence, ideas, perspectives and pure friendship.

 

Minsan, malungkot sa itaas. Mag-isa ka lang doon.

Lucky for you if you will find true friends up there who’ll be there for you in times of trouble or worse when you’re back to level 0.

 

Also, for me, the most valuable thing we can leave in this world is connection and relationship. We will always be remembered on how we treat others rather than how many levels we went up in life.

 

‘Yon lang naman.

#TrashBin

#DiwaThoughts

#ToWanderAndWonder

Masarap Mag-travel PERO…

Date Written: January 17, 2024

 

“Traveling – it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.” – Ibn Battuta

 

Yung nakakapunta ka sa iba’t ibang magagandang lugar, nakakarating sa mga tourist spots o local spots man na hindi mo pa napupuntahan, makakain ng mga pagkain na bago sa iyong panlasa, makisalamuha sa mga lokal o sa mga kapwa mo turista, makakita ng dagat, bundok, falls, mga isla, white sand beaches, lighthouses, historical places, mga ilog, hanging bridges, kagubatan, national highways, souvenir shops – THESE ARE THE BEST FEELING EVER!

Tapos kasama mo pa ang mga taong importante sa’yo pati na ang sarili mo – kung solo ka lang.

Ang sarap mag-travel!

Pero…

Kaakibat nito ang mga naiwang trabaho,

Ang mga bagay na ino-overthink mo,

Mga tao o alaga na naiwan sa bahay o minsan yung mismong bahay ang inaalala mo.

Ang balat na mangingitim,

Higit sa lahat:

Ang limited budget na meron ka,

At ang mga bayarin pagkatapos ng bakasyon,

 

Minsan pa nga may kasamang takot at pangamba lalo na kung mag-isa ka lang o may kasamang ibang tao na hindi mo masyadong kilala.

 

Pero bakit nga ba tayo naglalakbay?

Ano ba ang purpose nito sa buhay natin?

 

Para makapag-relax?

Iwas burn out sa trabaho?

Forda experience?

Forda fotos pang-upload?

 

Bakit nga ba?

Siguro kung ako ang tatanungin, I travel because I want to see the world on a more colorful, crazier, bigger and wider perspective.

Minsan kasi feeling main character tayo sa maliit nating mundo.

Pero kapag lumabas ka pala sa lungga mo, malalaman natin na may iba-iba tayong kwento mula sa iba’t ibang lugar.

Masarap makipagkwentuhan sa mga lokal.

Masarap din sa pakiramdam ang makakita ng mga magaganda at bagong tanawin tapos mapapaisip ka nalang na paano kaya ang tumira dito? Paano ang way of living nila na iba sa akin?

Iba ang normal nila sa normal ko.

Iyong tipong sa tuwing gigising ka sa umaga, paglabas mo ng bahay, dagat na ang makikita mo at hanggang sa bago ka matulog.

I travel because I want to experience the other way of life.

Na kahit isang beses sa isang taon man lang ay nararanasan ko ang gumising na iba ang routine at environment kaysa nakagawian.

This excites me to look forward on my travelling dates.

Nawawala ang boredom sa usual routine kasi alam mo na darating ang araw na magiging masaya ka ulit dahil sa mga bagong experience na mararanasan mo.

Planning, organizing and looking for affordable places to go excite me.

Masarap kaya mag-drowing at mas masarap kapag nakulayan ito!

 

One of my favorite seats are plane’s window seat – ka-face-to-face ang mga ulap.

Pati na rin ang mga bangka na patungo sa mga isla.

Masarap sa pakiramdam ang hangin ng dagat na sumasampal sa mukha mo.

There’s a calming peace feeling in there.

 

Sana palaging nag-ta-travel na lang noh?

Pero kasi kaakibat din noon ang malaking gastusin lalo na kung ordinaryong tao ka lang.

Pag-iipunan mo talaga nang malala. Kasama ang travel fund sa monthly expenses mo. Tipid-tipid for the word talaga lalo na pagkatapos ng traveling dates.

 

There’s also travel while working. Swerte mo kung privileged mo din ito, as in all access paid.

Pero siyempre ay may kaakibat din itong responsibilidad. Everything has payment and consequences.

 

Ano ba ang point ko sa sulating ito?

Wala naman.

Gusto ko lang sabihin na ang sarap mag-travel. Iyon lang talaga.

Kaya for me, as much as we can, we should travel kahit once a year lang.

Yes, maraming responsibilities ang isang adulting person. Alam ko ‘yon.

At marami din tayong bayarin.

Pero hindi lang tayo nabubuhay para sa bills.

Masarap lumaya kahit panandalian lang.

Para na rin sa pagtanda natin ay may ma-lo-look back tayo na magagandang experiences and we can be the best storyteller we could ever be!

Masarap makakita ng mga tanawing bago sa ating mga mata at maikwento iyon sa iba.

Kaya sana gawin natin ‘yon habang kaya pa, habang may oras pa.

 

Above all, we should be grateful if ever we experience travelling because it’s a kind of blessing that we more than deserve.

 

#TrashBin

#DiwaThoughts

#ToWanderAndWonder

Minsan Tingin Ko Sa Sarili Ko Failure

 

Date Written: January 16, 2024

 

“Comparing is the thief of joy.”

 

What’s the opposite of Joy? Sadness?

 

Minsan, hindi ko talaga maiwasan ang maramdaman ‘to.

Lalo na kapag nakikita ko ang sarili ko na malayo pa sa gusto kong mangyari sa buhay.

Then there will be rejections and disappointments.

Failure. That’s how I describe myself.

 

And that’s the evil power of Social Media.

Nagagawa nating mainggit sa success ng iba.

Yes, masaya tayo para sa kanila but somehow and deep inside, we are longing to have those things na meron sila at wala PA tayo.

Nakaka-inspire naman talaga na magpursige pa sa buhay para makamtam natin yung mga pangarap natin.
And yet somehow, it is still depressing because why can’t we have it yet? Or will it really come to our life?

 

Magandang trabaho, malaking savings and other investments, bahay at lupa, kotse, jowa, kasal, baby, travel local and abroad, nakakakain sa masasarap na restaurants. Iilan lang ‘to sa mga bagay na gusto nating makuha soon or someday soon.

Ito rin kasi yung mga bagay na madalas nating makita kapag nag-scroll na tayo ng newsfeed.

Kapag wala tayo ng mga bagay na ‘yan, feeling natin failure tayo, feeling natin wala tayong silbi.

 

Mahirap magmarunong,  madaling sabihin na huwag tayong mainggit o huwag na tayong mag-scroll!

But as usual, it is easier said than done.

 

Siguro, focus na lang tayo sa goal natin at sa mga bagay na meron na tayo ngayon. Let’s give value to our present time. We were so busy planning and going to our future. Then we’ll forget that today will just be a mere memory in the future. So why not we make the best out of it now? Para naman kapag nag-look back tayo ng ating mga past, walang regrets, tears of joy lang at paghanga na nagawa natin o nangyari ang mga bagay na ‘yon.

Magpasalamat, pahalagahan ang mga meron tayo. Cherish and treasure what we already have.

At maging inspirasyon ang mga bagay na wala pa sa atin.

Na someday, tayo naman.

Hindi tayo failure.

We are meant to be successful on our own ways and own pacing.

Tiwala lang.

Makakarating din tayo.

 

#trashbin

#DiwaThoughts