Project Pearls (Summer Class Program) -April 26,2015

Volunteer Journal

April 26, 2015

Project Pearls (Summer class program)

As we enter the vicinity of Helping Land in Tondo, kids were already waiting for us and happily come with us to the covered area where the class activities are being done.
It’s Science day today!
We let the students be aware of this month’s celebration which is Earth Day, that specifically celebrated last April 22.

We tackled about food chain and on how we could take care of our environment.

Three boys have been my students today and they were all on the First grade level.
We had fifteen minutes to get to know the kids. I got three boys to teach.  Yung dalawa, magkapatid, si Edmund tsaka si Edmundo, then yung isa naman ay si Junmar. Masyadong mahiyain si Junmar.
The kids were settled in the front and Teacher Jedda had a review about our lesson last week which is Mathematics and we also had games for them. Then she opened up the topic for today which is Food chain that is under the subject of Science.
After that, they were back on their respected tables. For our first activity, we created a poster or slogan on how to save the environment.  I let my students drew the earth on a cartolina then sa palibot nun is yung mga tao na nagtatapon ng basura sa tamang tapunan.

After that, we made puppets. Yung mga factors na nasa loob ng food chain. For example, yung tao, kumain ng chicken, then yung chicken kumain ng grass.
We also did a small cheer on how to save the environment.

After the kids were done with their activities, we will present the poster, the puppet and the cheer on front the things that we did. They sang the cheer that they created by themselves. Kaso si Jumar nahihiya.

After that, picture taking then recess.


Another meaningful Sunday morning for me was spent again.



To join Project Pearls or to donate, this is their website: www.projectpearls.org/
And this is their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ProjectPEARLS1
Or simply coordinate with Ms. Jedda Punzalan at this number:  09051443012
Ivolunteer website: (to look for other organizations that you can join) http://ivolunteer.com.ph/

Project Pearls (Summer Class Program) April 19, 2015

Volunteer Journal

April 19, 2015

Project Pearls (Summer class program)

For the second time around, I once again joined this group.
Same place, same time, same day. 

Our topic for today is Math.
And my students for today are grade one kids.

One of them can’t write and read yet so medyo challenging para sa akin ang araw na ito since may syllabus na kailangan naming sundin.
After that madugong lesson with them, (hehe. Madugo talaga.) ,  nasanay lang siguro ako na yung mga batang tinuturuan is marunong nang magbasa at magsulat kaya medyo nanibago ako, it’s story-telling time!
As for this activity, they will draw one particular scena na pinaka favorite nila sa story.
Our story entitled, “Bakawan”.

I let them drew a Bakawan that is full of animals and has a clean surroundings. The moral of the story is that, we should keep clean all our kinds of water forms like rivers, seas and yun nga Bakawan. Dahil sa bakawan ay may mga hayop rin na naninirahan doon.

***Picture while they were busy with their masterpiece***

***Class picture taking afterwards***
Then after the class picture, meal time!
I lead the prayer for them before they eat.

Then another three sense-full hours has just finished swiftly.
Through this org also, I got to know new people and be friends with them; those people who also volunteer and want to help other people through our own little ways.  It was so much fun being in this org.

And be sure that I’ll be back next week. 



Facebook post last April 19, 2015
A worth-full Sunday morning again with the kids.
#ProjectPearls
#volunteerism
*insert picture here*

Instagram Post last April 22, 2015
When you love what you’re doing, unexplainable joy can be felt.

*insert picture here*




To join Project Pearls or to donate, this is their website: www.projectpearls.org/
And this is their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ProjectPEARLS1
Or simply coordinate with Ms. Jedda Punzalan at this number:  09051443012
Ivolunteer website: (to look for other organizations that you can join) http://ivolunteer.com.ph/

Project Pearls (Summer Class Program) - April 11, 2015

Volunteer’s Journal
April 11, 2015

Project Pearls (Summer Class Program)

The meeting place is at LRT 2 –Recto Station, in front of Isetann Mall at 6:30 in the morning of Sunday.  At exactly 7 a.m. we were ready to go the adoptive community area and it’s on Helping Land, Tondo, Manila near Pier.
We passed through many shabby houses and this is the reality of life. That many people really lacks in terms of financial aspect that their health and education are in great sufferings. It is really a slum area and it’s the best example of poverty. This made me realize that I was lucky enough to have the things that I need, that I have a family that can provide for me and now that I am earning for my own, I am luckier. We may have financial shortages in times, but them, really do have a lot.
Being here has really a purpose. God let me to be here because I can do something even on my own little ways.  Naiisip ko nalang, masyado akong na-bless ni God at nandito ako ngayon para naman maging blessing para sa ibang tao.
Ms. Jedda Punzalan is the head of that org. for that day and she’s the one who oriented us about this program.  There will be hundred plus of kids at iba-iba sila ng school level. We, volunteers will be divided per level.  Napunta ako sa level 3 and will be handling four kids. We had allotted time for us to get to know them.
They are Hazel - 11 years old, MJ- 10 years old, Virginia -10 and Chona- 10.  Sa susunod na pasukan ay mga grade four na daw sila and they were all studying on a nearby public elementary school. Sorry, I forgot the name of the school.
  Hindi sila naging ganun kahirap turuan since marunong naman na silang magsulat at magbasa. As for our activity today, they will draw on how they will make their summer meaningful and fun.
Syempre ang unang idea na pumasok sa kanila ay swimming! And then I suggest, bakit hindi sila mag teacher-teacheran para maging meaningful ang summer nila? They can teach younger kids since marurunong naman na silang magbasa at magsulat and thankfully they agreed to me.

***They were busy drawing on a manila paper***

As for the second activity, I will be reading a book with them and then ilalagay nila sa isang paper using clay yung bida with its characters.
The story I red for them entitled, “May Magic Si Inay”.
So they mold a mother figure and put it on the paper then into its side ay yung mga magagandang katangian ni nanay.

JM was awarded as one of the best arts and of course I’m proud of her! 

After that, they had their meals and dyaran! Uwian na! Three hours of being with them flies so fast.

JM is the one who is so clingy to me. After our class, she approached me saying, “Ate, bakit ang galing mo po magturo?” And that particular question melted my heart.
“Kasi mahal ko kayo.”  I then said.

My Sunday morning is just worth the spending with these kids.


Facebook post last April 11, 2015

Question that melted my heart:
“Ate, bakit ang galing mo po magturo?”
#ProjectPearls
#tutorialvolunteerism
*insert picture here*




To join Project Pearls or to donate, this is their website: www.projectpearls.org/
And this is their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/ProjectPEARLS1
Or simply coordinate with Ms. Jedda Punzalan at this number:  09051443012
Ivolunteer website: (to look for other organizations that you can join) http://ivolunteer.com.ph/

Tulong Sa Kapwa Kapatid - Mar. 28, 2015

Volunteer’s  Journal
Mar. 28, 2015

Tulong sa Kapwa Kapatid

Through the website Ivolunteer, nakita ko ang org. na ito. They were looking for volunteers that could join them and since I am free naman every Saturday morning, I joined them.
Our call time is 7 a.m. and the meeting place is at U.P. Palma Hall. Then there will have a van that will fetch us and will drive us to the adopted community area and it’s on Payatas.
As I stepped out of the van, you can smell that the area is really a dump site or disposal area of Metro Manila garbage but who cares?! Nandoon kami para sa mga bata. Para maturuan sila magbasa and share with them some values.
The ratio is one is to one. One volunteer per kid and the kid that I chose is AA. She’s a ten year old out of school kid.
We have red two different stories together. Then after that we had an art activity. Ido-drowing namin ang isa’t isa imagining what we will be look like five years from now.  I drew her as a high school student wearing a uniform and with high grades. Gusto niyang maging nurse in the future and I told her na pwedeng mangyari iyon. Para kasi sa kanya, hindi daw iyon matutupad since mahirap lang sila at hindi na siya makakayang pag-aralin ng Mama niya. I told her not to lose hope. Na maaari pa rin niyang matupad ang pangarap niya at makakapag-aral pa rin siya. Basta mag-aaral lang siya ng mabuti aiming for high grades then maaari siyang maging scholar. I do hope na sana ay hindi siya mawalan ng pag-asa.
Then to my surprise, she drew me being married to someone. Hahaha! Masaya na daw ako at nagmamahalan daw kami. The picture says it all. 

That day was also their graduation. And I stood as her stage parent. She received certificates and I am so proud of her.  They sang a thank you song for us and presented some dances also.
Before our session ended, she gave me a thank you card and I was so touched that I am already close to tears. She then hugged me saying, “Thank you, Ate. I love you.”
Sobrang heart melting lang talaga. I never thought that in a very small thing that I can give, sobra sobrang gratefulness yung makukuha ko from it that I didn’t expect. This activity made me realize so many things.
Na marami palang mas deserve pa sa pagmamahal ko. That someone out there needs my love and care more. Unconditional love can be felt everywhere at hindi lang iyon umiikot mula sa pagmamahal ng isang kasintahan.
I hope to see AA among other kids in the next school year or by June for I would so much love to teach them again some moral values that I know by heart.

At 12:30 p.m., we were back at UP Palma Hall and this day changed my life forever.
This is now my lifetime advocacy and I am proud of it.  I do hope to help more kids in the near future with all my might.

 March 28, 2015 Fb status post:
…………………………………….. *insert picture here*…………………………………………..



To join this organization, or to donate, click the link below.
2KK Tulong sa Kapwa Kapatid Facebook page: https://tl-ph.facebook.com/tulongsakapwakapatid
Website: http://www.kapwakapatid.org/
Ivolunteer website: (to look for other organizations that you can join) http://ivolunteer.com.ph/

Rants of A Brokenhearted Girl

Rants of a Brokenhearted Girl

These are the rants since day 1 that my heart was broken up to the time when I was finally able to move on.
I hope this could help you.
Dito ko nilabas lahat ng lungkot, sama ng loob, galit, tuwa, realizations na nararamdaman ko during those times and through this rant ay masasabi kong nakamove on ako agad-agad! Hindi madali pero kung willing ka naman talagang bumangon muli ay magagawa mo naman.
So enjoy reading as I bare it all here.

P.S. sorry for all the harsh words that you could read here. Dispensa, tao lang na nasaktan ng sobra. 
P.P.S. hindi po ito everyday rant. There were times na the next two or three days or more than pa ako nagsusulat ng sumunod na rant so don’t be confuse. Nag-ra-rant lang ako pag trip ko o di kaya kapag feeling ko ay sasabog na ang dibdib ko or kapag feeling ko ay masaya ako.



Rant Day 1

Sorry na sa rant ko. Pero kasi sobrang sikip ng dibdib ko eh. Gusto ko lang ilabas at pasensya na dahil kayo ang napili kong paglabasan.
Hohoho.

Tangina! Seven years yun eh, seven years! Puta, itatapon niya lang yun dahil nahulog daw siya sa ibang babae. Shit lang talaga siya.
Ni hindi niya ako kinakausap tungkol sa nararamdaman niya o sa tinatakbo na ng utak niya. Ang alam ko lang, okay kami, mahal niya ako, loyal siya at tanggap niya lahat ng flaws ko. Kaso hindi pala. Hinahanap na pala niya lahat ng wala sakin sa iba. Life is really unfair. Ang ginagawa lang naman natin is yung magmahal ng tapat at wagas.
Ako naman to si tanga, isinasampal na sa muka ang mga dapat kong gawin o tanggapin pero patuloy pa rin akong umaasa. Kasi mahal na mahal ko siya. Yun yung nagiisa kong dahilan para kumapit pa rin.
“Kaya mo ba akong bitawan?”
“Nahulog na ako sa iba. Sorry.”
“Kasalanan mo din yan kaya nagkagusto ako sa iba. Naikumpara ko kasi siya sayo.”
PUTANG INA TALAGA.

Gusto ko na siyang i-let go. Pero ayoko pa rin talaga. Umaasa pa rin ako na  mababago pa yung isip niya. Na baka naguguluhan lang siya, na baka ako pa rin pala yung mahal niya. Na confuse lang siya kasi naging sunod sunod yung pag-aaway namin. Na babalik pa siya.
 Ang tanga tanga ko noh?!!
Mas okay kasing umasa, para matakasan ko yung pain. Kasi sobra talagang sumisikip ang puso ko pag naiisip ko na wala na kami. 
I so much hate this feeling.
Galit ako sa kanya pero mahal ko pa rin siya.

“Hindi na kita mahal, i-le-let go na kita.” Ginawa kong mantra ang mga salitang yan at paulit ulit kong sinasabi ko sa sarili ko yan. Pero alam ko naman na deep inside ay niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko. Pero malay natin, mag-work out siya at mapaniwala ko na rin ang sarili ko in God’s time. Pero sana naman yung God’s time na yun, wag matagal.  Ang sakit kasi eh. sobra. Ayoko ng tumambay sa pain na gaya nito. Pero wala akong choice but to live with this.
Wala pa rin akong gana kumain, taz di rin ako makatulog ng matino.
Hanggang kelan????!!! Namimiss ko ng kumain! Namimiss ko ng matulog ng 12 hours!

Am I not worth loving? 

*insert malakas na pagngawa at gabaldeng luha here*



Namimiss na kita. Pero alam ko naman na hindi pwede dahil ayaw mo. Ang tanga tanga ko shet! Putang ina ka talaga! Gusto kitang makita, makasama, mayakap pero hindi na pwede.  Ano bang gagawin ko sa sarili ko para makalimutan na kita totally?
Ang hirap eh. Putang ina, di ko napaghandaan ito. Pwede pala akong masaktan ng ganito. Na yung pinaminamahal ko sa buhay ko ngayon pwede pala akong iwan nalang ng basta basta.
Ang sakit. Ang sakit, sakit! No words can explain how much it hurts.


















Rant Day 2

Actually mukhang hindi na ito Rant. Haha. Kaya magdiwang tayo! Hahaha!

First of all, thanks Vanene! Kasi sinamahan mo ako kagabi te. Lahat ng katangahan na sinabi ko sa’yo, huwag mong gagayahin at huwag mo na ring ipagkalat. Hahaha. Huwag na huwag mo akong tutularan kahit pa na halos pareho lang tayo kung papaano magmahal. Hahaha.
Seriously, ngayon nakakatawa na ako ng maayos. Bumalik na rin ulit yung gana ko sa pagkain, nakakapagkape na ulit ako at gusto ko na ulit kainin lahat ng dati kong madalas kainin. As I woke up this morning, ang gaan na ng feeling ko.
“I WILL PRAISE YOU LORD, FOR YOU HAVE RESCUED ME.” Ito yung sayings na nabasa ko sa loob ng simbahan kagabi habang busy si Vane sa pagdarasal kay St. Pio. And this saying made me cry so much. God have rescued me from the wrong one. Siya na mismo ang sumampal sa mukha ko na tama na, iniligtas na kita mula sa maling relasyon na pinasok mo. Let him go. Don’t hope anymore na babalik pa siya sa’yo at kung sakali man na bumalik siya, huwag mo ng tatanggapin for I have rescued you already.

I already stop texting him. Sabi ko nalang sa sarili ko, “Awat na Cielo. Stop saying you love him. Stop hoping. Stop yourself from being tanga all over again. Sabi nga ni Vanene sa’yo, ang tanga tanga tanga mo. Tigilan na yan! You’ve done your best at wala sa’yo ang mali.”
Hindi na masyadong sumisikip yung dibdib ko pag naiisip ko yung nangyari and for me that’s a good sign already. :) Na kaya ko na pala. Na kaya ko na siyang bitawan. Na kaya ko ng mag-let go. And eventually, na kaya ko ng hindi siya mahalin in the near future. Cheers for me!
Thank you Papa God for the enlightenment. And thanks for the friends na heto at walang sawang nakikinig sa lahat ng hinaing ko.

I can do this, baby! Hahaha!
Promise, ang sarap talaga ng gising ko today. Nakatulog ako ng straight eight hours ngayon. 
At nakokontrol ko na ang sarili ko na huwag siyang i-text. I think it’s already a good start for me to move on. And this is already my choice, ang kalimutan na siya. 
Lez do this, one step up at a time.

P.S. Maybe you think na masyadong mabilis ang phasing ko. But this is the only thing that I think to ease the pain eventually. At yun nga ay ang i-let go na siya.  Seryoso Masaya ako ngayon sa naging desisyon ko. Nakatulong ng sobra yung paglalabas ko ng mga hinaing ko senyo o sa mga taong nasa paligid ko.

I just hope that I won’t stop here. I want to move forward further.













Rant Day 3

Last night, nagbreak down na naman ako. Not once but twice. Yung una sa loob ng C.R. dito sa office at yung pangalawa ay sa harap na mismo ng Diyos. I promised myself yesterday na magiging okay na ako. I didn’t even cry the whole day pero pagdating ng gabi, doon na ako nag-break down. While thinking about him, bigla nalang sumikip ang dibdib ko tapos ayun, tumakbo na ako papuntang C.R. para doon impit na umiyak. Nakakahiya kasing ngumawa may ibang nag-ccr.
After work, I went to St. Pio church at doon na ako sobrang umiyak while talking to God. I prayed na sana eventually mawala na yung pain. Okay lang kahit paunti unti basta ang mahalaga ay mawala na yung sakit so that I can go on with my life even without him. Kakayanin ko to dahil wala naman akong ibang choice. Ayoko ng magmakaawa ulit para lang magkaayos ulit kami. Tama na yung isang gabi na halos itapon ko na yung sarili ko sa kanya. That’s enough.
I finally decided to let him go. I texted him. NAKAPAGDECIDE NA AKO. BIBITAWAN NA KITA. SOBRA NA AKONG NASASAKTAN. YUNG IDEA PALANG NA MAY IBA KA NG MAHAL SOBRANG SAKIT NA. WAG KA NG MAGREREPLY, WAG KA NG MAGTETEXT, WAG KANG TATAWAG, BURAHIN MO NA RIN YUNG NUMBER KO. SALAMAT SA LAHAT. PAALAM.
 After I send that to him, I cried a lot and then nasabi ko nalang sa sarili ko. Finally! Makakamove on na ako kasi nagawa ko na siyang bitawan. Hindi na ako aasa para sa amin. I will just hope na finally, makakarecover na ako at unti unti ng maaalis yung pain na dinulot niya sa akin. I will also stop questioning myself kung ano ba ang naging pagkakamali ko.
I lose some but definitely I will win some. 
Kaya ko ‘to.
Acceptance is the first move. Let’s take is slowly dahil I know for sure that eventually, everything will be alright. Kakayanin ko ‘to. I was born strong so I can do this!
Yung pagmamahal na ibinuhos ko sa kanya, ibabalik ko lahat yon sa sarili ko. I will love myself even more now. And next time when I will be ready to fall in love again, I know now what to do, what to expect or what to hope for. Salamat sa lahat ng lessons na natutunan ko.
I will just keep myself busy from now on. Oo, naiisip ko pa rin siya pero tolerable naman na. Hindi rin ako bitter sa mga nakikita ko sa paligid o sa mga naaalala ko.  Definitely, I will be okay.
Marami na akong naka-line up na activities na gusto kong gawin in the near future.  I even made a new 2015 goals o parang bucket list. And I will make sure na magagawa ko ang lahat ng iyon. Tiwala lang.

 Today my life begins. 













Rant Day 4

Hays. *insert malalim na buntong hiniga here* I cried again last night. Hindi ko mapigigilan eh. Sumisikip yung dibdib ko so I have to cry it out.
I even looked into our pictures. Ang tanga ko lang ‘di ba?  Pero kasi naisip ko while doing this, mamamanhid na yung puso ko at next time ay hindi na ako iiyak. Madalas pa rin akong magpakawala ng sobrang lalim na buntong hininga but I have to do this. Para mawala lahat ng negative thoughts and energy sa katawan ko.

I want to create a poem that can eventually be a song.
TO THE ONE WHO BROKE MY HEART
This will be soon. Kapag nagka-drive na ako magsulat ulit. I promise. 

Today we will be going to Ilocos. I hope that when I got there and then pagbalik ko dito ay maging medyo okay na ako. I don’t want to feel the pain anymore although alam ko naman na imposible yon. Yung tipong hindi na sasakit yung dibdib ko kahit yun nalang muna okay na ako. I know eventually I will be fine. Just fine.
God, my family and friends are here for me. I don’t need him. I can live my life without him. 


Rant Day 5
I just got home from Ilocos and guess what I told to myself. I left my broken heart and brought a whole new one here in Manila. Sobrang ganda ng place at sobrang nag-enjoy ako sa bakasyon na iyon. I always used to think of him pero hindi na siya ganun kasakit.  Hindi na rin nagsisikip ang dibdib ko at hindi na rin ako umiiyak. I finally let him go. Hindi na masyadong masakit yung pain. Maybe because I finally decided to let him go.
Hindi na ako umaasa na babalik pa siya or there still will be chance for both of us. Nadala na nga yata talaga ako. Sobrang sakit kasi ng nangyari that the pain is truly indescribable na  ayoko ng maulit maranasan sa kanya.

This day, Mar. 23, 2015 he texted me. Nangungumusta si gago. Nung una, lumakas pa yung heart beat ko maybe because mahal ko pa siya. Pero pagkatapos ng usapan, sobrang saya ko! As in! Na parang ang gaan gaan na ng feeling ko na kaya ko na siyang kausapin ng ganun.
I told him na sobrang ok na ok na ko. And gago siya dahil tatlong araw akong hindi nakakain at nakatulog ng maayos. But I’ve moved on! Mabilis oo. Dahil ayokong mag-stay at tumambay sa sakit na idinulot niya. He caused me too much unbearable pain. But luckily, through God and with the help of my friends, I finally recovered. Araw-araw ko ng kinakausap si God. This heartache made me much closer to Him. Si God na nga lang siguro yung faithful and loyal sa mga naniniwala sa Kanya. Masyado lang akong nabulagan ng makamundong pagmamahal kaya huli na ng marealize ko yun. Na ang tao pala na katulad ng walang kwenta kong ex-boyfriend ay pwedeng magbago sa isang iglap lang. May nagawa lang ako na hindi maganda, ayun, naghanap na ng ibang mamahalin. Hahahaha. Tang ina niya! Magsama sila ng babae niya at naway maging miserable este Masaya sila. Hahahah. Bitter much.
I also said to him na hindi ko siya mapapatawad. Maybe not now. Pero malay natin, time will come. Na kasabay ng pagkawala ng pagmamahal ko sa kanya, tsaka ko na din siya mapapatawad. Ang labo ko talaga. Tsk! Tsk!
I have also done reading the book of Alex Gonzaga. Sobrang korek ng mga sinasabi niya at super tagos talaga that all she said, I want to imply it on my life.
Like the standards that we should set for the One, our relationship with God, and the daily mantra.
HINDI NA KITA MAHAL, NI-LET GO NA KITA.  That’s mine. Konti nalang mapapaniwala ko na ang sarili ko. And I have just succeeded the first step.  (texting him with no more pain) Hooray!
I don’t know kung pinaplastic ko lang ba ang sarili ko. Pero mas mabuti na yung ganito kaysa naman maging miserable pa rin ako. I’ve done my part. Nagmakaawa ako sa harap niya but he let me go away. Hindi ako pwedeng maghintay at umasa ng matagal para lang magdecide siya kung itutuloy pa ba o hindi na ang relasyong ito.
May dignidad din naman ako. Tama na yung minsan na niyang naapakan yung pagkatao ko. Ayoko ng magpakababa ng ganun ulit. Babae tayo eh at mahal tayo ni God. No one should look down on us. We are precious, we are rare at grabe talaga tayo magmahal. Yung mga putang inang lalaki na iyon ang may problema kung bakit hindi nila tayo mapahalagahan.
Haays. Bakit ba sobrang complicated ng love? And love really damn hurts.
 Promise Papa God, kapag sobrang okay na ako at hihiling ulit ako ng lalaki sa’yo, magiging specific na ako and I will stick to my standards.
Sa ngayon kasi hindi ko pa naiisip ang bagay na ‘yan. Ang gusto ko lang ngayon ay pagtuunan ng pansin ang sarili ko at ang mga bagay na gusto kong gawin o marating. Yung about sa lovelife ko, ikaw na po ang bahala. I surrender everything to you now.  Kung ano man po ang ibibigay mo sa akin, maluwag ko pong tatanggapin yon kasi alam ko na ngayon na kaya ko na ang isang uri ng napakatinding sakit. And that is heart break.
Kung tutuusin, I’m still lucky enough. Kasi may mga tao sa paligid ko na alam kong mahal na mahal ako. Like YOU, my family and friends. Isa pa, I am healthy, walang malalang sakit at pati na rin ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. Okay na okay na ako dun.

And I am so excited for this new chapter in my life dahil marami akong gustong gawin na nararamdaman kong magagawa ko na SOON! Yehey! Cheers!
Thank you so much Papa God.





Rant Day 6

For two consecutive nights I dreamed about him. Syempre nakakainis yun kasi nga kinakalimutan mo na siya eh tapos bigla bigla siyang susulpot sa panaginip ko. Bwisit lang! I don’t know what it does mean dahil ang mga panaginip ay walang sapat na basehan. Pero ayon sa mga nabasa o narinig ko, kapag napanaginipan mo ang isang tao, meaning iniisip ka nila or either the other way. Ako, hindi ko ikakaila na lagi ko pa rin siyang naiisip. Halos minu-minuto nga eh. Pero bakit pati ba naman sa panaginip ay siya pa rin? Pwede bang ibang tao nalang ang mapanaginipan ko instead of him? Nasasaktan na nga ako kapag gising, pati ba naman sa pagtulog? Grrrr. But anyway, wala naman akong magawa about that.

As of this day, medyo nabo-bothered pa rin ako sa ginawa niyang pag-text sa akin kahapon. Na sana talaga ay hindi nalang siya nag-text! Bwisit lang talaga! Buti nalang talaga, hindi na ako naiiyak ngayon everytime I think of him. Nandon pa rin yung pain pero hindi na ganun kalala na habang sinusulat ko yung Rant day 1-4 ay tumatagaktak ang luha ko. Good thing for me here is hindi na ako naiiyak. That maybe it means na tanggap ko na talaga. Na wala ng pag-asa for us. The mere fact na may mahal na siyang iba, meaning wala na talagang pag-asa. Kasi ‘di ba dapat, makukuntento lang siya sa akin. Na dapat loyal siya, faithful at ako lang ang mahal niya.
Masyado siyang cheater at playboy at hindi niya deserve ang pagmamahal na sobra sobra kong binibigay. I deserve someone else na mas mahal ako at yung hindi naeexpire yung loyalty and love for me.  Maybe he will come at the right time. Pero sa ngayon, I want to focus on myself first at sa mga bagay na gusto kong i-try gawin. 
Mamaya pupunta ako ng church, kakausapin ko ulit si God para ma-clear na yung mind ko. Gusto ko na ulit magkaroon ng peace of mind. Gusto ko na ulit magsulat ng mga nobela pero sa ngayon kasi wala pa talaga akong drive kaya puro rant lang muna ang naisusulat ko.
I will come back soon to my passion and I promise that I will be much better! Aja!

WHAT IF HE COMES BACK? WILL I STILL ACCEPT HIM?
As of now, I still don’t know the answer to this question. Ayoko ng umasa. Ayoko ng masaktan.
Love myself first. 


Madalas ko pa rin siyang maisip. Lalo na yung naging last conversation namin. Siguro nga umaasa pa rin ako. Pasaway na puso ‘to! Kasi as of now, malaki pa ring yung pagmamahal ko para sa kanya. Actually, namimiss ko siya. Gusto ko siyang makayakap katulad nung nasa panaginip ko. But that would be very impossible right now. Kasi nga wala na kami. Binitiwan ko na siya at iyon na ang desisyon ko.
Pero I know that time will come, mawawala na rin itong natitirang hope sa puso ko for us to be together again. Sabi nga ni Thirdy, konting tiis nalang makakaraos rin ako sa paghihirap na ito.
Ako pa! Eh lumaki akong matiisin. Makakamove on rin ako. Let’s just make it a time. One step at a time para hindi ako lumagpak at mag-back to zero na naman. Ayoko ng ngumawa at magsikip ang dibdib. I can do this, baby! Tiwala lang talaga. 
Iisipin ko nalang na kaya ko nga siya binitiwan ay para makaalis na ako sa sakit. I should let him go for me to move on.
Pero yung pagpapatawad para sa kanya? Mukhang Malabo pa yun sa ngayon. Siguro kapag hindi ko na siya mahal baka dun ko palang siya mapatawad. Sa ngayon kasi, inaaccept ko palang yung katotohanan na wala na talaga kami. Hinay hinay lang bebe. Darating din tayo diyan.
My boss saw me under my working table, crying. Nakakahiya. But I promised to myself that this would be the first and last na mangyayari ito.


END OF DAY 6















Rant Day 7
LONELINESS. This is what I am so much feeling right now. Pakiramdam ko depress na depress ako. Punong puno ako ng kalungkutan. Gusto kong maging Masaya but how?
Kagabi after ko sa office, I went to St. Pio to talk to God. Luckily, hindi ako umiyak habang kausap siya. Sinabi ko lang lahat sa Kanya lahat ng hinaing ko then umuwi na ako.
But as I woke up today, I finally realized and acknowledged what I am really feeling right now and that is loneliness. Bakit ko ba kailangang maging malungkot? Dahil wala na kami? Dahil hindi na niya ako mahal? O dahil mahal ko pa rin siya at medyo umaasa pa rin ako magkakabalikan pa kami?
At this point of time, mukhang kalaban ko ang puso ko. Sabi ng utak ko tama na. Enough is enough. Set him free, let him go, be happy! Pero sabi naman ng puso ko, I can’t do it. Kasi nga sobra ko pa rin siyang mahal.
Pero wala naman na akong choice kundi ang mag-move on since I already let him go. Bakit ko pa kailangang dumaan sa matinding depression ngayon? Can’t I just be happy na lang? Yung wala ng pain and this damn loneliness?
Ayoko ng ganitong feeling. Parang mababaliw na naman ako.

Tiwala lang talaga. Makaka-move on rin ako. Tiis tiis lang muna ngayon sa depression. Daan ulit ako mamaya ng church pag-uwi galing office tapos tatambay sa Eastwood park. Gusto kong gumawa ng kanta or tula.

END of DAY 7

Rant Day 8
Last night, I talked to God again, saying to Him all that I am feeling right now. Na nilalamon ako ng matinding depression at matinding kalungkutan.
But I know for sure na makakaalis rin ako sa moment na ito for HE is with me.
Umupo ako sa park ng mahabang oras. Kahit pinapapak na ako ng lamok, carry lang. Nakagawa ako ng isang tula na balak kong lapatan ng musika kapag marunong na akong mag-piano. 
Here it goes…
To The One Who Broke My Heart
To the one who broke my heart
Thanks for tearing me apart
I’ve become stronger,fiercer and wiser
And most of all I’ve become better.

I’ve cried enough upon losing you
I broke down, gone crazy because I’ve loved you
More than anyone else in this world
The pain cannot be described of any word

I even hoped for you to come back
I even lose my own track
But I’ve come to my senses and realized
I maybe just had these blind eyes.

Thank you so much for all the memories
To those wonderful hopes and dreams
Everything may come to its end
I’m now okay,though it’s still a pretend

I maybe hurt but I learned a lot
And I won’t regret for loving you that much
For I became happy once in awhile
So I think this is good bye.

God is with me as I am healing
All the wounds that you’re giving
I will rise up again standing so tall
The pain that I wept will end after all.

I will be better soon that’s a promise
I will bear the pain and I wouldn’t miss
To be with the wrong one again
For I will fall in love (this time) with the right one all over again.

To the one who broke my heart….
Thank you so much…

So that’s it!
Sa isang upuan ay natapos ko ang tulang iyan habang nagpapakalunod sa lahat ng kanta na nasa mp3 ko.
Matatapos rin ang kalungkutan kong ito, isipin ko nalang na mas maraming tao ang mas mahirap ang pinagdaraanan kaysa sa akin. I am still lucky enough.

END OF DAY 8


RANT DAY 9

 I cried again so much last night. Kasehodang nasa gitna ako ng park na maraming tao ang nagkakasiyahan ay walang habas sa pagtulo ang aking mga luha. Inalala ko kasi lahat ng sacrifices at paghihirap na ginawa ko para sa kanya na itinapon niya lang lahat sa isang iglap.
Naaawa ako sa sarili ko. Naging super tanga at martir ko. Sa aming dalawa, ako talaga yung pinaka mas nag-invest and in the end, ako lang din yung nalugi.
Tanga nga kasi ako. Ang tanga tanga ko.

Today he texted me. SANA MAKAHANAP KA NG TOTOONG PARTNER MO.
Gago ka!

Gusto ko siyang murahin ng paulit ulit dahil kulang pa yun sa lahat ng sakit na ibinigay niya sa akin. I really hate him so much to death. Sana hindi siya maging Masaya. Sana maging miserable ang buhay niya at sana marealize niya lahat ng magiging loss niya ngayong wala na ako sa buhay niya.
Hindi na nga niya kasi ako kailangan kaya madali na para sa kanya ang bumitaw. Tangina niya lang talaga!
Hindi na ako iiyak! Promise!

END OF DAY 9






Rant Day 10
It’s been awhile since I wrote my rants here.
Guess what? I found love on an unexpected place. God really loves me. No doubt on that.
Last Saturday, I went to a certain place to be a tutor volunteer. As I went there, I didn’t expect anything in return kasi ang gusto ko lang talaga is ma-experience kung paano ba ang maging volunteer. And I guess my decision is quite right.
I had this kid named, Alyssa Mae or AA as her nickname. She’s an out of school youth.
Sobra sobra yung love na ni-return niya sa akin after ko siyang basahan ng story at turuan. I so much love her na talaga at umaasa ako na sana in the future mas marami pa akong bata ang maturuan at mayakap.  Sobrang heartwarming lang talaga nung nangyari and it was such an unforgettable lifetime experience for me. Na mas marami pa palang tao ang deserving para sa pagmamahal ko. Yung mga taong sobra kung maka-appreciate ng mga maliliit na bagay na kaya kong ibigay sa kanila. Actually for me, small thing lang yung nagawa ko pero for them sobrang laki na pala nun and they are so appreciative about it. Small things really do matter. This experience is really an eye opener for me.

The following day is Sunday.
I chose to shut myself on my room for the whole day to think things all over. Nag-music ako ng mga moving on songs and some of them were suggested by Alex Gonzaga. Yeah, I have read her book and it helped me a lot. Nung una, ayoko pang tanggapin lahat ng sinasabi niya but then eventually, inaabsorb ko na rin lahat. 

I also read this website, heal my broken heart, steps to heal of Amelie Chance and it really helped. Her daily email to me is a daily blessing. 
So ayun na nga, after that whole boring Sunday, I finally made up my mind. And that is to stop thinking about him and divert my attentions to other “sense-full” things.

Monday came. Back to work and I may say that this day is a whole lot different from the previous days.
I stopped thinking about him all the time, mas iniisip ko na ngayon yung mga bata na nangangailangan ng tulong ko. I want to help more in the future. Iniimagine ko na rin ang sarili ko na nasa kalye at tinuturuan makapagbasa and some moral values ang mga street kids. 
My whole day has been so busy thinking those kinds of things.
Then after work, I went again to St. Pio church not to wish anything but just to say Thank you. As in super thank you lang ako ng thank you at masaya ako.

Until now, I felt so much joy deep within my heart. Hindi lang siya basta happiness na mabilis mapawi eh. Super joy talaga yung nararamdaman ko. Upon seeing those happy kids plus my family and my happy friends, I feel so complete already. Sila lang sapat na. 

Then Monday night, my normal sleep routine has been back to normal.
Yehey! Nakatulog na ako ng 12 hours. Hahaha. Tapos yung tipong kapag naalimpungatan, you will still feel sleepy and be able to get back to sleep again. Yay! I experienced that once again. These past few days kasi, once I opened my eyes from sleep, despite of the time ay hindi na ulit ako makakatulog and will start thinking about him again.
PERO HINDI NA NGAYON! Yay! Thank you Lord. I praise you for this blessing.
Yeah, this break up, I already considered it as a blessing. Kasi marami itong pinamulat sa akin. Na marami pala akong pagkakamamali at katangahan while inside that seven year relationship na ngayon ko lang narealized.
I really deserve someone or something better. Tanga ko lang kasi I settled for the least. Hahaha. (least talaga.)
May mga times pa rin na nalulungkot ako but then keri lang! Kasi hindi na ganun kasakit yung pain. Tolerable na siya at mas iniisip ko nalang palagi yung brighter side of the story.
Amelie Chance also adviced me to write down three happy thoughts every day. So that the ratio would be 3:1. Three positive things versus one negative thing and it helped me a lot. 
Sobrang daming bagay na maaaring mapasalamatan pala over those few things na iniiyakan natin.
Then kapag nakakaramdam pa rin ako ng kalungkutan, I go to her fb page to read some posts there. Yung The happy gym 

Last night I really had a great laugh with my friends (booklat friends-my co-writers). Sumakit yung tiyan ko kakatawa and it really feels so great na kahit hanggang ngayon na paggising ko ay ang saya saya ko pa rin. Maybe because I found my joy already and fortunately it doesn’t relay on him anymore. 
I love the people around me so much!
Thank you, God.
Gusto ko na ulit mag-volunteer. So excited for the coming days! 

END OF DAY 10

RANT DAY11 – I just want to thank GOD for everything. Happy Easter! 
End of Day 11

RANT DAY 12

He texted me once again and I hate myself more for my own reaction. Para akong tanga na nanginginig at nilalamig. Seriously, what’s wrong with me? Then after that, I cried again. So bullshit, isn’t it?
Nagagalit siya sa akin kasi kung anu-ano daw sinasabi ko kay Julia (pinsan niya). Like hello?! Si Julia kaya ang unang kumausap sa akin. Ang gago niya lang talaga. Sana hindi nalang siya magtetext kung wala rin namang kwenta ang mga sasabihin niya. Nagmakaawa na rin ako na sana huwag na niya akong kakausapin. At least not now dahil nahihirapan pa rin ako mag-cope up. My life without him is not that easy to adjust. Sinasanay ko pa ang sarili ko sa mga sandaling ito. It’s been only three weeks since we broke up. Sana naman ibigay niya sa akin yung panahon na kailangan ko para tuluyan na siyang makalimutan. Hindi yung para siyang tanga na susulpot sa buhay ko kung kelan niya lang gusto. Ang gago niya lang talaga. Bwisit siya, magpakamatay nalang siya!
I talked to God (na lagi ko namang ginagawa) saying na sana batukan niya yung gago kong ex. Let me move on kasi as of now, unti unti pa lang na nawawala yung pain. Pero yung love for him? Syempre nandito pa rin at hindi naman basta basta mawawala yun eh. Minahal ko siya over my life or anyone else in this world so understandable naman siguro yun why I am feeling this way right now. All I need is time to finally let go of my feelings for him.

END OF DAY 12



Rant DAY 13
 The date today is April 13, 2015 and it’s been exactly a month since the day my heart gets broken.

What else can I say eh halos lahat na yata ng klase ng rant ay nasabi ko na for the whole month. Hahaha.
Anyway, let’s talk about what I am feeling right now.
First, it’s a good thing na hindi na siya nagpaparamdam sa ngayon (na hopefully ay magtuloy tuloy lang) so my process of moving on is currently going smoothly. Sometimes pag naiisip ko siya, hindi ko pa rin maiwasan ang malungkot and there’s still hope in my heart. But when I came to think more deeper, parang hindi ko na rin yata kaya ang pabalikin pa siya ulit sa buhay ko.
He just used me. He needed me that’s why he loved me and remained on my side. Yun na yung mas tumatatak sa isip ko ngayon.

RANT DAY 14
Hola! It’s been one month and 9 days since I received my most special blessings. And that is the heartbreak that I got from my stupid ex boyfriend. 
It’s been a while since I ranted kasi nga wala naman na akong dapat pang i-rant because I am currently living happily. Masaya na ako. Sobra. I became closer to God, to my friends that I once took for granted and to my family, mas naappreciate ko na ngayon ang presence nila sa buhay ko.
Wala naman na akong dapat pang ipag-rant about my love life. Okay na ako ngayon. Although may mga times pa rin na naiisip ko siya then bigla akong malulungkot. Then may mga times na naaalala ko yung mga moments namin pero napapangiti nalang ako. And I already forgot the date kung kailan ako umiyak sa kanya. The last thing I remembered that I cried was last week pero hindi dahil sa kanya but sa koreanovela na pinapanood ko. Hahaha! Silly me.
Then nowadays, I came to think about of different boys na. Hahaha! Lumalandi na yata ako. Pero mabuti na rin yon at least hindi ko na siya naiisip ng bonggang bongga. Kung napupuyat man ako kakaisip, at least patungkol na sa ibang bagay.

Hahaha.
P.s. According to my source, Miguel is single now at brokenhearted din gaya ko. Ewan ko lang kung totoo. Well, wala lang! hahaha!

END of DAY 14


Rant Day 15
Hello there!
Sabi ni Alex Gonzaga, one of the signs na totally naka-move on ka na is makakagawa ka ng libro kagaya niya. Well, well, well, kung susumahin na ang lahat ng writings ko, eh pwede na! So it means, naka-move on na talaga ako, totally! Yehey!

Again, I just want to say thank you kay God kas mas naging close kami nowadays. To my friends na walang sawang nakikinig sa mga rants ko at lagi akong pinasasaya, to my family for understanding me, to my workmates, to my boss, sobrang thank you lang talaga.
I am so grateful for having all of you around me.
Right now, sobrang busy na ulit with my novels and pending manuscripts. I am so much back on track. Ang dami na namang ideas na pumapasok sa utak para isulat. Syempre may mga kabitteran pero may mga kasweetan din naman. I will be forever hopeless romantic no.
Ang sarap sarap kayang mainlove! Kahit sa mga novels lang.

Pero sa totoong buhay, hmmmmm… We’ll see!
Hehe, as of now, masaya naman ang crush life ko. Hahaha! I tend to think of other cute boys na. Hahaha. One time pa nga, napuyat ako kakaisip kay Miguel Hehe. Sino si Miguel? Secret!!!
Hahaha.

End of Day 15

Happiness Everyday

How to Have Happiness Everyday

I’ve learned this thing when I was on the process of moving on and until now na okay na ako, although paminsan-minsan ay nalulungkot pa rin ako, ginagawa ko pa rin ang bagay na ito. At sana ay makatulong rin ito sa’yo.

Every day of our life, there are so many things that we worry about, stress about and even sad about.
And these things are the negative things of our daily life na minsan, nakakalimutan na nating may magaganda rin namang mga bagay na nangyayari sa atin araw-araw.  Yun nga lang ay hindi na natin masyadong napapansin iyon dahil masyado na tayong naka-focus sa lahat ng negative.

We should have a ratio of 3:1 EVERYDAY.
It should be three things that we should be thankful about; these are the happy things, over one negative thing that made us feel down. Basta kailangan ganun lang lagi ang ratio. Mas lamang dapat lagi ng dalawa ang mga happy thoughts.
If you have a planner with you, you can jot it down. Pero kung wala naman, scratch paper will do. Pero kung talagang tamad ka magsulat  o magtype man lang diyan sa cellphone mo na lagi mong hawak, mag mental note ka nalang.
Here’s my example.
I have a planner with me so meron akong kodigo. Hehe.
Date: Mar. 2015  (this was the date I started jotting down 3:1 happiness ratio)
3 happy things:
1. It’s a wonderful day today!
2.I am pretty today. Tiwala lang. Hehe
3.Looking forward to meet the kids again. (I started to become a tutor volunteer yesterday)
1 nega thing:
He doesn’t love me anymore.



Date: ********
3 things that I should be thankful about today
1. My sleep is back to normal again.
2. Wonderful sunny day today. Not too hot.
3.Tomorrow is Friday. Last day of work. Yehey, weekend again.

1 nega thing:
He left me.
And so on and so forth. Sample lang yang mga nasa itaas. And kahit mababaw na bagay lang, pwede mo pa ring i-list as happy thoughts.  Sinama ko pa nga sa list yung binabaunan ako ng mom ko ng baon for office. Yung paggising ko, nakahanda na ang breakfast pati ang baon ko na nasa lunch box. Those were the things that I am truly grateful about. Isama na rin ang pag-rere arrange ng mom ko sa room ko. It was just like a happy start and it’s a positive thought. 
Oo nga pala, pwede kang lumampas sa 3 positive things. The more the better.
But it’s a big NO na magdagdag ka pa ng isa para sa One negative thing. Isipin mo nalang mortal sin yon. At kung higit sa isa ang naiisip mong negative thing. Just jot down one. Yung worst nalang ang piliin mo, basta ISA lang dapat!

Medyo tinamad na rin ako magsulat lately so nagmemental note nalang ako.
Kahit yung simpleng paglaglag ng dahon mula sa puno nito, ginagawa kong reason yun.
3 Happy things:
1.Finally, malaya na ang dahong iyon mula sa matagal niyang pagkakakapit sa puno. It finally came out of its comfort zone. Though, it felt bad falling on the ground at least, it was now free spirited at naranasan na nito ang maging malaya. Hashtag Hugot ni Cielo.
2. Masarap ang sampaloc na binigay sa akin ni Manong guard, fresh pa yon mula sa puno ng sampaloc. Hindi siya gaanong maasim. Masarap!
3. Walang brewed coffee. Di bale, okay lang kasi medyo masakit rin ang lalamunan ko ngayon, iwas diabetes at sore throat na rin (balahura kasi ako mag sugar and creamer)

1 Nega Thing:
Ah…Eh…Ih…Oh…Uh…
Wala na akong maiisip na negative thing kasi parang ang nangyari nalang, I always see the brighter side of every things that I see.
Kung mapapansin mo ang last three happy reasons ko, may mga negative na kalakip but  it’s not a ratio 3:3.  (3 positive: 3 negative) kasi nga I was just looking on the brighter side of everything lang.
It’s 3:0 at iyon talaga ang goal ko. Ang hindi na maghanap pa ng kahit anong negative sa paligid dahil sa positive nalang ako naka-focus. 



Sana makatulong sa’yo.

Lab,
Cielo


Source: email of Amelie Chance “Steps to Heal”

Confession of a broken hearted girl who rose up and live again

Me as a Brokenhearted Girl Who Rose up and Live Again

Cielo bares it all.

How does it feel when the one you love the most betrayed you? Yung tipong akala mo may forever kayo. Na siya na ang The One for you. Na siya ang hiniling mo sa Maykapal. Akala mo mamahalin ka niya hanggang sa wakas, yun pala ay agad rin iyong magwawakas.
When you thought that he will love you no matter what happens kasi nga ang dami niyo nang napagdaanan eh at nalampasan ninyong lahat iyon. But then due to some shallow and stupid reasons lang pala ay magagawa ka niyang iwanan and the worst ay ipagpapalit sa iba. Oo, agad-agad! In just a span of two months may kapalit ka na, na na-fall na daw siya sa iba habang ikaw, you thought that everything is okay, that you’re relationship is going smoothly, na kampante ka na mahal na mahal ka niya at hindi nagbabago iyon.
But then you were all wrong. Just like the old saying goes, the only constant in this world is change. And his love for you is not an exemption.
You’ve been through a lot together for a long time and you were so comfortable enough and make believe of yourself that he will never ever leave you. Minahal mo siya ng buong puso na halos wala ka ng itira para sa sarili mo.  Na lahat na binigay at isinakripisyo mo, yun pala kulang pa. And at the end of the day you will be questioning yourself, “Saan ako nagkulang? Saan ako nagkamali?”
You were madly in love with him since day one that you said yes to him then one day he will just text you saying, “Nahulog na ako sa iba. Sorry.”
Ang sarap magmura ‘di ba?
In just a glimpse of an eye, your heart will be shattered into many many pieces. Sisikip ng sobra ang dibdib mo to the point na halos hindi ka na makahinga and all you could do was just to cry all your heart out. The pain is just too indescribable na tila ba gugustuhin mo nalang mamatay na ngayon din. You will search for a blade to cut your pulse, you will find a poison to stop your heart from beating and you will torture your neck so that totally you will not be able to breath and finally you won’t feel anything that hurts anymore. Ang sakit sakit!
Yung taong pinagkatiwalaan mo ng buong puso, binigyan mo ng sobrang pagmamahal, oras at effort ay magagawa kang iwanan ng ganun ganun na lang.
Then you will try to chase him, fix everything between the two of you, maglulumuhod sa harap niya, magmamakaawa na huwag kang iwan, na ikaw nalang ulit ang mahalin niya, na gagawin mo ang lahat just to win him back, magbubulag bulagan at magtatanga tangahan. Iiyak ng sobra pero wala eh. He just can’t accept you anymore.

Have you experienced all of this?
Well ako, oo.

I’ve been through a relationship that lasted for seven years. And our first trial, ayaw sa kanya ng pamilya ko. Pero dahil sa mahal ko siya, ipinaglaban ko. We had our promise, “Walang Iwanan” and we stood for that. Pero totoo talagang nagbabago ang tao. His loyalty had an expiration date for a total of seven years. Sinakto pa talaga niyang Friday the 13th.   The Date is March 13, 2015 when he finally decided to end our relationship.
All our future plans were shattered. Sa isang iglap, nawala lahat iyon. Dream wedding, wedding date, dream house, number of kids, dream business, imagining days when you were already both old. Wala na. Lahat ng iyon ay mananatili na lamang panaginip at pangarap at kahit kailan ay hindi na maisasakatuparan pa.
What is the main reason for this break up? Nahulog na raw siya sa iba. Sa mas mabait daw sa akin, sa mas masaya siyang kausap o ka-text. Hindi raw niya naiwasan ang ikumpara ako doon and when we had this petty fight or misunderstanding, he led that as the final way to say goodbye.
For a span of two months, he fell out of love for me. Actually, nararamdaman ko iyon. Wala na iyong sweetness niya, yung effort, yung time just to be with me, ramdam ko iyon. Ako nalang palagi yung gumagawa ng paraan para magkita o magkasama kami but I remained blind, martyr and dumb. Kasi nga mahal ko siya. For that simple reason alone, I held on.  And when we have fights, okay lang sa kanya na hindi kami magkaayos agad. Hindi na tulad ng dati na gusto niya magkaayos agad kami at siya yung unang gumagawa ng move para maging okay kami ulit.
Nagbago na nga talaga siya.

Yes, I chased him after he said his goodbye pero ipinagtabuyan niya lang ako.
Wala na akong ibang magawa kundi ang umiyak ng umiyak nalang and every time na maiisip ko siya, my heart is aching so much. I can’t eat, I even can’t sleep. That lasted for three days.
After three days, I was able to eat pero pakonti-konti pa rin. I was able to sleep pero abnormal pa rin. And I still kept on crying. Kasehodang nasa gitna ako ng mall o park, naiiyak ako.
My boss even found me underneath my working table, crying.


But then, this break up turned into a blessing in disguise.
Why?
I became closer to God.
Walking distance lang ang isang church from office. Dati, every Thursday lang ako nagsisimba but when I was broken, inaraw-araw ko na ang pagdalaw sa tahanan ng Diyos. And there I silently wept, begging for a fast recovery of my heart, wishing that the pain will vanish soon. And also my feelings for that undeserving man will be gone the soonest.
I am very much thankful today because I have finally coped up. Upon talking to Him everyday, the pain lessen each day and I already stopped crying. I found joy deep inside my heart and He make me realized so many things that I should be thanked for because I have those.
What are they? Rather, who are they?
My family that through good and bad times; will always be there for me. My friends who never get tired listening to all my rants and dramas and never ceased to give me advices and always making me feel better. My boss and workmates that fully understands what I am going through. My co-writers who made me laugh and just to be happy for even no reasons at all. They are all blessings to me. I once took them for granted when I was deeply in love thinking that me and my stupid asshole ex alone, we can live happily ever after. And of course I know now that I was such a fool believing in that thought.

I fell down, I wept, but of course I stood up tall and got ready to face my life again.

It was just another page of my life’s book has ended and I am just one step closer to the right man for me.
I thought that it will be hard for me to move on. Pero kaya ko pala in just ONE MONTH! Yes, one month lang and it is so possible if you will just have the will; the will to accept, to let go, to forgive, to forget, to realize many positive things and to be happy again. And of course finally, the will to love again.
In a span of three weeks, I stopped crying about him. Mga koreanobela nalang ang nakakapagpaiyak sa akin recently.
After a month, I was able to laugh out loud again and I strongly believe that I am now much stronger, wiser, fiercer, and bolder and be backed on track. Nakaka-miss kayang maging matakaw at matulog ng 12 hours! Nakakamiss na ring magsulat ulit ng mga nobela. Nawala kasi ang drive ko sa pagsusulat when I was brokenhearted.
So kung ikaw ay katulad ko na nabigo sa pag-ibig, since nakaya ko, for sure makakaya mo rin yan! We are strong, caring, beautiful and smart and we are lovable. Let’s love again bringing the lessons that we learned the hard way.

This is the link to my not-so-daily rants while I am on the process of moving on. *Click Here*
Then this is the other link for How to Have Happiness Everyday, the Cielo’s Way. *Click Here*

Sobrang nakatulong sa akin ang pagsusulat (Thanks to my writing skills) while mending my broken heart.  Just for your info, I was writing Rant Day 1-5 (I guess) while crying but at the end or few last days of the rant, I was already smiling and already found my inner happiness or so called Joy.

Sana makatulong rin sa’yo kung pareho man tayo ng pinagdaanan o pinagdaraanan.
If you have questions or comments, please feel free to let me know.
Or if you have your own story or process of moving on, share naman diyan!


Lab,
Cielo

Me As A Writer

Sino nga ba si CieloAmethyst?
Anong meron sa kanya?
Bakit siya nag-eexist sa mundo?
Anong problema niya?
At anong mga pinaglalaban niya?

Hi! Ako si Cielo. Ang eepal nung mga tanong. Haha.

Sino nga ba ako?

Isa akong totoong tao na nagkukubli sa pangalang ito. I started using that pen name last August 2013 when I joined wattpad and contributed my stories there. Wherein actually, nagsusulat naman na talaga ako since I was eight years old. At sabi ng memory bank ko, ang kauna-unahang obra na na aking naisulat ay isang tula na pinamagatang, “Ang Mga Bulaklak”. Pini-present ko pa nga yun dati sa harap ng klase namin nung grade three ako. Tapos pagtungtong ko ng grade four/ nine years old, summer time non, doon ko na talaga kinarir ang pagsusulat ng tula mapa-Tagalog man o English.
I started to write novels (na sa kasamaang palad, ni isa man ay wala akong natapos at puro drafts lang ang nagawa ko) when I was ten or in grade five. Mahirap lang ako nun (magpasahanggang ngayon naman eh) kaya ang MS Word ko nun ay sa likod ng mga notebooks ko. Hinahati ko yun sa dalawa na para bagang nagbabasa ka ng pocketbook yun nga lang may twist kasi sa likod ka mag-uumpisa magbasa. Since ang nasa first page ng mga notebook ko ay ang mga lesson namin, kaya yung mga stories ko, nasa last page. Para-paraan. Galawang Cielo. Hehehe.

I was twenty when finally ay may natapos rin akong nobela. (Wow, 10 years before). Yun nga lang medyo sabaw. Na-addict ako sa mga romance pocketbooks because of my cousins and titas kaya naman ginusto ko ang makapagsulat rin tulad ng mga nababasa ko. Yung matured stories, yung makabuluhan, yung may sense. Kaso medyo nahirapan ako sa third POV kaya kung mababasa niyo man ang Playful Hearts Series ko, eh pasensya na. Sabaw na sabaw pa ako nung mga panahong yon. Hilaw na hilaw. Wala pang experience, wala pang proper training.

Then when I discovered wattpad from a friend na isa ring aspiring writer like me, doon ko nakilala ang first POV.

Pwede pala yun! And so I tried. At doon nabuo ang “The Adventure of Jane and Friends” na bongga sa dami ng POVs. Hehehe.

But that novel, I am very thankful to that dahil iyan ang nagbukas ng pintuan para sa pangarap kong maging isang manunulat.
That manuscript was approved last May 29, 2014 and I became a contract writer under LIB Publishing Company na sister company  naman ng Precious Pages Corporation.

Because of that novel also, I had friends with my the same passion. Marami akong natututunan sa kanila at masaya ako na makakakilala ng mga taong kagaya ko ng hilig. Na may katulad rin ng aking pangarap.

As time goes by, mas dumami pa ang mga nobela na aking ginagawa. And hopefully naman sana ay nagkakaroon ako ng improvement sa bawat nobelang natatapos ko. Marami pang nakapending, at marami rin ang naka-draft pa lang kasi nga I can’t just stop all the ideas coming out from my head at super thankful ako sa bagay na iyon.


Si Cielo as a writer, minsan makulit, minsan tahimik lang, madalas abnormal. Pero siguro ang pinakagustuhan ko kay Cielo ay ang pagiging masayahin niya at positibo sa mga bagay.  She loves talking and mingling with other people and she says what she truly feels and wants lalo na doon sa mga taong komportable na niyang nakakausap. Ibang iba sa tunay niyang katauhan na boring, takot lumabas ng comfort zone, loner, mataray, suplada at napaka-nega o pessimist.

 Cielo is a free spirited girl. Approachable naman siya, yun nga lang minsan, hindi mo siya makakausap ng matino. Lumalabas rin minsan ang pagiging mahiyain niya pero saglit lang. She loves to think things all over. Na madalas ay tinatamad na siyang magsulat at ang gagawin na lamang niya ay ang mag-isip nang mag-isip.


When she drafted a whole story, whole day din niyang gagawin iyon over three cups of iced coffee and when she didn’t able to finish, yari na, frustrated na siya at parang sasabog ang ulo niya na gusto nalang niya mabaliw at sabunutan ng sabunutan ang kanyang sarili na tila sa pamamagitan nito ay mapipiga niya ng husto ang kanyang utak.

I will share an interview with you she had with a friend for an article just recently. Medyo serious type siya nung mga panahong sinasagot niya ito.

Sino si Cielo Amethyst?
Saang genre siya mas kilala o mas komportableng magsulat?
Si Cielo? Isang frustrated writer. Ang genre niya are rom com and fantasy.


May espesyal na inspirasyon ka ba sa pagsusulat o sino ang inspirasyon mo sa pagsusulat? Meron. Isang espesyal na tao na itatago na lamang natin sa pangalang Miguel.


Kung papipiliin ka sa mga nagawa mo ng stories, alin doon yung pinakasumasalamin sa totoong ikaw? Actually, halos lahat may reflection ng pagkatao ko, paisa-isang traits ganun. Pero yung may pinakamaraming traits or totoong character ni Cielo, siguro si Jane sa The Adventure of Jane and Friends. Since iyon ang first novel ko, medyo maraming katangian si Cielo na nilalaman si Jane.


May isang tao o reader ka ba na kasa kasama mo mula sa simula noon hanggang ngayon? I think wala. People come and go into my life. Thanks sa mga dumarating and babye para sa mga umaalis.


Paano mo na-discover ang wattpad? From a friend.

Kung may genre ka na gustong subukan, ano yun at bakit? Erotic. It’s like getting out of my comfort zone since hindi talaga ako komportable na isulat ang genre na iyon.


Kailan ang best mood mo sa pagsusulat? When I’m alone, tahimik ang paligid, at walang internet.


Any weird habit habang nagsusulat? Fb ng fb. O di kaya biglang magbabasa ng libro.


May isang bagay bang hindi alam ang mga readers mo na gusto mong ipaalam sa kanila? Siguro wala. What you see is what you get nalang.


Pwede mo bang ihalintulad sa bagay o tao o lugar ang pagsusulat?At bakit? Writing is Sky. (Just like my name, Cielo) It should be limitless.
Message mo sa lahat ng nakakakilala sa’yo. Thank you for coming into my life. I love you.


Ano yung mga susunod na aabangan namin sa’yo? Mas matured na mga stories, mas may hugot, mas malalakas na characters. (hopefully, fingers crossed)

Last question, I heard may libro kang i-pa-publish under LIB, anong feeling mo ngayon at anong masasabi mo sa mga sumuporta, sumusuporta at susuporta sa’yo? Yeah, totoo yung narinig mo. Hehe. Meron nga kaso wala pang definite time kung kailan ang release.
Sa mga sumusuporta o susuporta kung meron man? Thank you! As in super thank you!


***End of Interview***


So yon! Ito po si Cielo ang inyong lingkod. At naway sa pamamagitan ng blog kong ito ay lubos niyo po akong makilala.

Maraming salamat sa pagbabasa.


Lab,
Cielo ganda. Mehehe.