I Am Choosing You Everyday

I always have doubts and issues

I can always see your flaws

I used to think of leaving you

Because it seems that you can leave me too

Anytime you wanted.

I always get afraid that you may hurt me again

And the past full of pain may still happen

This is an everyday battle within

Of my emotions, of lovin’ and hatin’

But we all have a choice.

Even a no choice is still a choice

And we do our fate

So, despite of all the flaws and fears,

I am still choosing you every day.

Because you are my happiness,

You are my home.

To no more dramas, I just choose you.

Listening To Our Song

Bitterly smiles were all over my face when I heard our song again.

It’s been ages when I last heard it and it feels good to listen to it again.

But now in a more different perspective.

I may have forgotten the lyrics but not the memories it covered.

I tried to sing it too but I can’t keep up with its beat yet.

Yesterdays were clear, happy moments were revealed once again. 

And it feels good to remember all of those things again.

This song was an inspiration for me to keep going, 

to still continue reaching my dreams and pursuing my passion.

Thanks for the song we created together.

Thanks for the memories we both shared.

Thanks for letting me feel loved before.

Thanks for the happiness I once felt when we’re both in it.

Grateful to have you before, grateful that somehow there’s us once in our lifetime.

Friends

Lucky to have friends as your emotional support.

They can be with you whether your feeling down or happy.

They’ve got your back and you’ve got theirs.

You can share to them your thoughts and feelings,

Your celebrations in life and even challenges you are facing.

You may not meet each other frequently just like before

But with the thoughts of having them around is already enough.

I am also thankful to my friends that I have them.

They are filling my social tank and I’m glad to know that despite

Our own and individual busy lives, when we need each other,

We can talk to each other.

In these trying times, it is really better to have our emotional backbones

In this way, we can feel and know that we are not alone with our battles.

Thank you, Lord and thanks to life for the gift of friends.

Dear Friends, I've got your back.

That Dream (A Poem)

I dreamed of you last night

You were smiling so bright

You held my hand so tight

Let it not go with all your might

This brought back our yesterday

Those happy times when we talked all day

But you’re the one who gave ‘us’ up

Who let ‘us’ go and broke our hope

I opened my eyes and now I can see

The painful truth of our reality

That we can’t turn back time again

So that dream just made it possible to happen

Novel Series: Jane’s Mystic Resort

(Book 3 of The Adventure of Jane and Friends)

Date Written: Circa 2015

Yes, she was heartbroken.

But after three years ng mag-isang ‘pag-momongha’ at pagmumuni-muni, she has already moved on.

 Salamat sa resort na pinagkuhaan niya ng lakas at saya. She loves her resort so much that she would do anything and sacrifice every little thing she has for it. Dito nabuhay ang munti niyang pangarap na makahanap ng lugar na kailanman ay hindi niya katatakutan.

Her high school friends invited themselves para makita ang lunggang pinagtataguan niya at malugod naman niyang pinayagan ang mga ito na ma-invade ang ‘secret haven’ niya.

Perfect timing rin pala ang pagpunta ng barkada niya sa isla dahil sa panahong ito rin pala niya malalaman na katulad ng naging paghihiwalay nila Miguel, ay may tinatago ring hiwaga ang lugar na ibinigay sa kanya ng matandang tinulungan lang naman niyang tumawid ng kalsada.

Miguel plus Ken on this adventure equals awkward but not for her. Kasi nga daw naka-fast forward na siya.

As they unveiled the truth behind this paradise, matuklasan din kaya niya ang tunay na dahilan ni Miguel kung bakit ito nakipaghiwalay sa kanya noon?

On the other hand, eh ano naman kung malaman niya ang mga kasagutan? Ikakasal na si Miguel at siya  naman ay nakatakda na rin palang maging....

Novel Series: Ken's Weekend Adventure (Ken's Odnum)

This was written back in 2014.

  

Ken’s Odnum (Book 2 of The Adventure of Jane and Friends)

Her name is Chelly.

Salamat sa ex boyfriend niyang Rakistang manloloko at isa na siyang certified man-hater ngayon.  Her life has been in hell for the last two years dahil sa pagsunod sa pesteng puso niya. Nagrebelde siya but she’s now back on her parents’ arms para ituwid ang mga naging pagkakamali niya.

She’s only going ‘THERE’ para makumpleto na ang units niya at maka-graduate na  sa Marso. Pero sa pagpunta niya sa lugar na iyon ay mukhang hindi na yata siya makakalabas pa roon.

Titira nalang siya doon forever kasama ang ‘playboy’ na sobra niyang kinaiinisan dahil sa napakaguwapo nito. Mapanindigan niya kaya ang galit sa dibdib niya? 

----------------------------------------------------

After seven months of being single again, isang SOLO, masaya at relaxing na bakasyon, yan ang hanap ng certified bachelor slash moving on guy na si Ken.

 Eh paano magiging masaya ito kung puro misteryo at hiwaga ang madadatnan niya sa piniling lugar na puntahan?

He also never imagined in his wildest dream vacation that he would found love at this very unsuitable place at mukhang sa maling babae pa yata tumibok muli ang puso niya.

True love nga kaya ang natagpuan niya sa kakaibang lugar na iyon o mananatili siyang NGA-NGA?

Prologue

I was running with her. “Bilisan mo malapit ng magsara ang kuweba!” Sabi ko sa kanya. Mabilis naming binabagtas habang magkahawak kamay ang madilim na daan patungo sa liwanag na unti unti ng lumiliit ang sinag. Tanda na malapit na nga talagang magsara ang bukana ng kuweba. And for the worst, makukulong na kami rito habambuhay.

But on the other hand, okay lang naman kung makulong kami rito forever and ever kasi kasama ko naman siya. Yun nga lang, paano kami kakain, maliligo, matutulog at kikilos sa madilim na madilim na lugar na ito? Yun ang mas malaking problema.

“Teka lang naman, hindi ako runner!” Reklamo niya. At sanay na sanay na ako sa bibig niyang laging bukas almost 25/8.

“No choice, kailangan mong magpaka-runner muna ngayon.”

“Pero pagod na ako.” Tumigil na siya sa pagtakbo at bumitaw na rin siya mula sa pagkakahawak sa akin. “Kung-kung gusto mo, mauna ka nalang. Hinihingal na talaga ako.” Tila hapong hapo na niyang sabi. Pag nakalabas kami dito, promise, araw araw ko siyang yayayain mag-jogging para masanay siya sa takbuhan.

“Adik ka ba? Syempre hindi kita iiwan.” May galit sa tono kong sabi sa kanya. Hindi pwede. Walang maiiwan. Well, maliban sa mga foot prints namin at tumutulong pawis sa sahig. Yun lang. No more no less.

“Hayaan mo na ako. Kung makakalabas, makakalabas. Kung hindi, hindi.”

Hinawakan ko siya sa magkabila niyang balikat. “Listen, sabay tayong pumasok rito, sabay rin tayong lalabas.”

“Pero natatakot ako. Alam mo namang-…”

“Trust me, hindi mangyayari yon.” I assured her.

“Pero paano kung-…”

“As you trust me, trust your heart also.” Agaw ko sa sasabihin pa niya sana na puro negative vibes lang naman.

“Ayokong-….”Ayan na naman siya.

I put my pointing finger to her soft and kissable lips. Natatakam tuloy ako. Ulam lang? Takam talaga? “Shhh… Everything will be alright. Makinig ka lang sa puso mo at ituturo niyan ang daan papunta sa akin.”

“Pero kasi na-…”

“I said listen to your hea-…”

“Teka nga! Kanina mo pa pinuputol lahat ng sinasabi ko ah. Sisipain na kita palabas ng kuweba na ito!” Ayan na, lumabas na naman ang pagiging dragonesa niya.

Naku naman talaga. Panira ng moment eh. At sanay na sanay siya sa bagay na yan. Promise.

Breaking The Promise

A Poem

(copyright)

I still hold on to the yesterday that we had

And I still love and want you so bad

Even though you already let me go

You don’t love me anymore, I know.

We’ve already said goodbye for many times

We even had heartfelt thanks and countless cries

We also had each other’s hugs and final kiss

But here I am, still holding on to an old promise

A promise that we’ll never let each other go,

Choosing “US” everyday that’s all I know

But people change and so our feelings

Happy moments will have sad endings

This is hard and has put my heart into broken pieces

But all I want is for your happiness

It’s about time to finally let you go

And break the promises that once we’ve hold on to

I wrote this poem, reliving the pain I felt when I got my heart broken years ago.

Mountains And Me

Mountains…

My favorite playground, my escaping zone,

My safe haven, my home away from home,

my breathing ground, my happy place,

my view that always leave me amaze and breathless.

This is how I described mountains.

At first, it was my outside-the-comfort-zone area

but now it is my safe haven place.

It was surely scary at first but as time passed by

and numerous adventures passed on,

I got used to it

 and I always love to be on top of it.

Mountains, rivers, forest and falls (including the beach!)

This is where I ran when I was broken

And it made me whole again

I will keep on coming back

Because this is home

Because nature and I are one.

Thank You When You Walked Away

(Sharing A Glimpse of My Love and Life)

Date Written: March 21, 2020

It was painful but I was grateful.

It was sad but I found new source of happiness.

It was dark but I discovered new light.

My world has been shattered but I have explored the other side of it.

My heart was broken into million pieces but I became unbreakable.

I thought I will never move on but I have moved forward.

At first, I don’t know what to do but in the end; there’s a lot of things to do and I can still do!

I thought that half of me was lost, but in reality, I was more of I can be.

Thank you so much when you chose to leave, thank you when left me broken and lost. I’ve got another chance in life that I never thought that I can have.

It is really true that when we got our heart broken, we will try to do different things and we will go to different places that we have never been yet. We will also have the courage to meet new people and to escape out of our comfort zones.

When the love of my life left me, I finally had the courage to dare myself to do what I really wanted to do.  All of those things were just on my bucket list and I have found the very perfect timing to one by one tick it.

Here’s some of the things I have done while healing my heart:

-        To volunteer. I went on a slum community, to feed hundreds of kids, to teach poor children and to give love, happiness, care to those in need. It wasn’t easy. I got scared to go alone. It was scary to go to place I am not familiar with and to meet other people.

-        To meet new people.  I have discovered that outside what I was used to, there’s a lot of people who grew up differently from mine. Their norm was different from my norm. Their lifestyle and family background differed from mine. But even though we all came from different walks of lives; I was fortunate to befriend some of them. It was such a fulfilling feeling to befriend strangers, to be an extrovert once in a while. I have also learned that people will really come and go into our lives. Some will stay but most of them will just pass by.

-        To go to the places, I have never been yet. Travelling nowadays is the latest trend. Most of the people my age as young as they can be, invested on travelling. Experience will always be better than material things. Beaches are my greatest escaping zones.

-        To conquer mountains but actually, it is myself that I am conquering. Hiking also became a hype. From weekend night clubs into mountain summits just before the sun rises. People switched to hiking and camping instead of partying at bars. Views from the mountain top are better than disco lights. I was fortunate to hike more than 30 mountains as of this writing and I thank God for always protecting me whenever I go to another adventure. Through hiking, I also got to meet new people and some of them even became my friends.

-        To travel alone. This is scary but I was happy that in this lifetime, I’ve tried it. It is really scary but thrilling. And at the end of the day when you got home, you will be proud of your self and be thankful for everything.

-        To write more. When I was broken, I was able to write more stories and it was even got approved! I have regularly updated my blog as well. Through writing, I have expressed my true feelings and thoughts. This has been the best tool that I had when healing my heart.

-        To cherish more people who are around me. It is true that when someone leave you, you will more appreciate those who chose to stay for you. We are more than lucky by having friends and family whom we can run and will never ever leave us. We can also share our griefs with them to lighten the burden we are feeling.

-        To learn new things like the Korean language. Crazy enough, I enrolled on a Korean class. And because of this, I have learned their alphabets and can read it. I may not fully understand yet what I am reading because it takes a lot of time to memorize their dictionary but it felt proud that somehow, I have learned a new skill.

Dear My Love,

Thank you for leaving me as I was able to do things that I thought I will never do and meet new people I thought I won’t have to. I’ve been to places I didn’t imagine to go without you. I’ve also got to experience life from another perspective. I thought my whole world was you but I’ve discovered that you were just a small part of it and there’s more to it. I’ve grew up! And became a better version of myself.

I will be forever grateful, to you, to the world, to God, and to the life itself.

Yours,

Diwata Blog

On Fake News and Love Letters: Ang Babaeng Allergic Sa Wifi - My Thoughts on this Film

(Kunwari Movie Review)

Date Written: April 6, 2020

What’s your favorite hobby?

Surfing? Not the waves but the internet?

Internet mapa-Wi-Fi man yan o mobile data o free data, Cellphone, Laptop, PC, tablet, Social Media. Ito ang mga bagay nagpapaikot ng mundo mo.

Yung tipong oras-oras ay hawak mo ang gadgets mo at babad ka sa internet.

Updated ka sa lahat ng issues sa paligid mo.

Lahat ng kwento ng friends mo sa IG at FB ay alam mo. Favorite hobby mo rin ang mang-istalk ng ibang accounts. Minsan sa mga artista or minsan sa mga taong kinaiinggitan mo o may galit ka.

Pati sa politics at showbiz updated ka.

Wala ka ring pakialam, fake news man o hindi ang mga nababasa mo. Basta ang alam mo lang, tama ang pinaniniwalaan mo. Minsan pa nga ikaw pa mismo ang nagpapakalat ng mga balitang nasagap mo kahit hindi ka sigurado kung totoo ba ‘yon o hindi. You even shared your insights and how you feel sa mga articles na nababasa mo.

Don’t be guilty if naka-relate ka. Okay lang ‘yan. Pareho lang naman tayo.

Dahil marami akong oras ngayon, nanood ako ng pelikula. Favorite ko si Sue kaya napili kong panoorin yung title sa itaas. And so far, sa mga movies niya na napanood ko na, ito ang pinaka-nagustuhan ko.

Bakit?

Sana mabasa mo ‘to hanggang dulo.

Warning: Spoiler Alert.

Iikot ang kwento kay Norma, Leo at Aries. Sige, isama na natin si Macha na best friend ni Leo dahil napasaya niya rin ako sa mga simpleng banat niya at sa bonding nilang mag-best friend.

Ayoko naman magtunog-spoiler pero parang medyo magiging ganon ang mangyayari kapag natapos mo itong basahin. So, read at your own risk. Kung napanood mo naman na ang pelikulang ito, I would be very happy to hear about your insights about this film. May comment box sa ibaba, you know what to do.

Ayun na nga.

Couple goals sa College Campus at sa Social Media. ‘Yan sina Norma at Leo.

Siguro karamihan sa atin, isa din ito sa mga goal natin sa buhay, ang mag-trending (in a good way siyempre) at ang magkaroon ng maraming likes and hearts sa bawat posts natin.

Nakakalungkot kapag walang nag-like o sasampu lang pero sobrang nakakataas ng confidence level kapag lumagpas na sa 50 ang reactions na natatanggap natin.

Here comes Aries, the yonunger brother of Leo. Ang humohopia sa kwento. He doesn’t believe in “Love at First Sight” not until he met Norma. Si Aries ang unang nakakita kay Norma pero sabi ng writer, kay Leo ma-i-in love si Norma at bilang nakababata at dakilang younger bro ay magpaparaya na lang siya.

Nag-google ako ng konti para ma-validate kahit papaano ang naging sakit ni Norma.

And it said na may mga cases nga na nagpapa-totoong may mga taong pwedeng magkaroon ng sakit na “electromagnetic hypersensitivity syndrome”; though this disease is still a theory and still being studied. Electromagnetic Radiation includes radio waves, microwaves, infrared, light, UV, X-rays, gamma rays and yes, wi-fi.

Source: washingtonpost.com; Wikipedia, WHO

Dahil nagkasakit si Norma ay iniwas siya ng mommy niya sa wi-fi, cellphone at kuryente. Iniuwi siya nito sa province sa lola niya kung saan wala ang lahat nang nabanggit na bawal sa kanya.

Fake News Issue then entered the scene. Dito ako humanga sa movie at naipasok nila ito.

Fake News is just a modernized term for Chismis. ‘Upgraded’ chismis ‘to dahil digital na. Ang chismisan area dati na nasa mga kalye lang, ngayon nasa mga group chats na.

Yung best friend ni Nerma na si Margaux that turned out to be a besssss (insert snake sound effect here) pala ay nagpakalat ng Fake news tungko sa kaya. Na kaya daw umuwi si Norma sa probinsiya ay dahil buntis ito at doon ito manganganak.

Dahil wala ng alam sa outside world and Social Media outdated na si Norma, sila Macha and Leo ang nagparating sa kanya ng balitang iyon.

Para maka-ganti kay Margaux, ginatungan nila ang fake news na ginawa nito. They created pictures kung saan pinapalabas nila na si Margaux ang nag-udyok kay Norma na magpalaglag.

See! In this modern world, everything can be fabricated. Kaya huwag basta-basta maniniwala sa mga mababasa o maririnig natin. Because proofs can be created and facts can eventually turn out into fictions.

Baka nga noon pa talaga ‘to eh. Yung mga conspiracy theory na nasusulat noon. Different classic hoax like ‘staged’ “Landing on The Moon”.  Hindi natin alam kung totoo ba ‘to unless we will dig dipper.

Back to the story, dahil sa ginawa ni Norma, na-suspend si Margaux at pati si Leo ay nasira ang image sa school. Muntik pa niya itong ikatanggal sa basketball league nila. Nagalit si Leo kay Norma at naki-pag break.

The Love Letters.

To explain her side and to reconcile with Leo, the only way to communicate with him is through letters.

Yung very classic na snail mail. Sumulat si Norma kay Leo using typewriter.  But Leo refused to read the letter at napunta ito kay Aries.

Aries replied on behalf of Leo. Na parang nakikipag-reconcile na rin siya kay Norma. They exchanged love letters through post mails. Pero medyo digital nga lang. Printed love letters kasi yung gamit ni Aries.

But I still find this kilig. And to guys who are still doing this, girls owe you so much pogi points!

I’m a fan of classic love letters. Sobrang timeless romance ‘to for me. Being a millennial, I have still witnessed and experienced collecting stationaries (scented papers), writing letters to crushes and friends, filling in slum books and other Batang 90’s have done; so I’m still lucky! Before the digital era dominates the world, I have been there to the pre-digital world.

Hindi ko na ikukwento yung ibang scenes especially the ending kasi sobrang spoiler ko na.

I just wanted to point out the great scenes that I loved on this film...

And that’s Fake News and Love Letters.

Click Bait ba? Ha-ha. Sorry.

I just want to leave these notes as your key take-aways on this write up:

Always, always, think before you click. It’s not bad to express our thoughts and feelings to Social Media but we have to consider how this will affect our readers aka chismosa friends. We are being judged on how we post. I’m not a Social Media master but I just want you to know that even without the Social Media world, we can still connect with our true to life friends and family. It’s okay to disconnect sometimes and reconnect with the rest of the world. Like Norma, she realized that there’s more to life than wi-fi signals on a dead-spot paradise (her lola’s place in the province).

Sunsets, beach, mountain, hills, nature. Walang wi-fi, phone signal and even electricity. Back to the old days. Let’s escape to this kind of world once in a while. And let’s take photos NOT for digital uploads but for our worthy journey (sobrang subjective ba? Sorry na.) in life. Nakaka-miss ang print out photos for journals, scrap books and room decorations. Try mo!

Last note, na-try mo na ba’ng gumawa ng handwritten letters for your loved ones and gave it to them? Try mo din ‘to! *winks* And tell me, how does it feel. Ask them also how they felt when they received your letter.

Baliktarin naman natin yung tanong. Nakatanggap ka na ba ng personalized letters of appreciation from your loved ones and friends? Ano’ng feeling? Ang sarap ‘di ba?

Don’t Leave

March 19, 2020

Don’t leave just because life becomes hard.

Don’t leave just because you are misheard.

There will always be a hundred reasons to stay

To breakeven that damned one thing to walk away.

To fall hard is easy but to stay is an everyday choice. And that choice is not an easy thing because our heart and mind are always on a battle. Most of the time, the heart wins and when the mind wins, the heart breaks, the happiness sacrifices.

We always opt to stay, but when it already hurts like hell, we leave.

Whatever we choose, pain will always be there.

It is when we endure, we’ll know if this choice is worth it.

I will always choose to stay. I will always choose to love you in near.

I may get hurt, but since the day I chose you, I already know that in love, happiness and pain will always be separated through a fine thin line.

 I won’t leave as long as you won’t.

But if you choose that painful choice, I won’t stop you either.

At the end of the day, your happiness is my happiness even if it will mean you leaving me.

Bakit Kaya?

May 28, 2019

Bakit kaya sa tuwing iniiwan tayo ng mga mahal natin upang ipagpalit sa iba ay dumadating tayo sa punto na sarili natin ang ating sinisisi?

Ano ba'ng mali ang nagawa ko?

Saan ba ako nagkulang?

May nasabi ba ako?

Pangit ba ako?

Kapalit-palit ba ako?

May hindi ba ako nagawa?

Bakit kaya pilit nating inaalam kung ano ang mali, kung ano ang dahilan kung bakit tayo iniiwan?

Pero kapag nalaman naman natin ang sagot ay wala pa rin namang nababago.

Iniwan pa rin tayo.

Ipinagpalit pa rin tayo.

Paraan nga ba natin ito upang makausad na tayo sa buhay at matuto sa mga naging pagkakamali ng kahapon?

O trip lang talaga nating mas saktan pa ang mga sarili natin sa lahat ng mga negatibong isipin na ating ibinabalot sa buong pagkatao natin?

Siguro nga may mga mali tayong nagawa, o may mga hindi tayo nagawa para tayo iwan.

Pero kahit kailan ay hindi naging sapat na dahilan iyon upang iwan tayo.

Walang mali sa atin. Sadyang sa mga nang-iwan, hindi lang sila nakuntento, hindi tayo natanggap o mas pinili lang talaga nila ang ibang tao, bagay o pagkakataon kesa sa atin.

Desisyon nila iyon. Pinanindigan lang nila.

Kaya sa'yo, sa akin, sa ating lahat na iniwan, hayaan at tanggapin na lang.

Darating din ang tamang tao para sa atin.

Na kahit kailan

ay hindi hahanap ng dahilan

 para tayo ay iwan.